It's complicated
by Xxle-grellxX
Summary: She's new to Ikebukuro and has caught a certain informants eye, much to her displeasure. She wants Shizuo but will a certain raven haired male do anything and everything to keep that from happening? And who is this girl? What is she hiding about herself that even Izaya doesn't know? And who knows, will she find love in the end? OCxShizuo Onesided!IzayaxOC
1. Street signs and blondies

**_Hola chicas~ or whoever decides to read this story (shit) I welcome you with open arms, except I hate physical contact._**

**_Alot_**

**_Unless of course it's bone crushing hugs :3 I love those, I also love when people review... which means if you hate the story or think I could do better than tell me goddamnit I ask for reviews, and criticism but I get none. *cries* I'll give yall lava cakes maybe?_**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own jack squat. I never can and I never will, get it? got it? fucking fantastic with rainbow jellyfish full of chocolate covered eggs on top. That's how fantabulous it is that you all know I don't own the original characters... only Melody. She's mine._**

**_Warning: I tend to curse... er too much, but I TRIED to tone it down for the story. Key word: tried. therefore there shall be cursing so if that isbn't your cup of tea then I have a solution. Don't read it!_**

**_Happy reading! but not really... I mean no one ever reads these anyway so I could say I was Satan and you wouldn't care._**

* * *

_-Uso joined the chat room-_

_Uso: Hey guys~_

_Kanra: Hey_

_Setton: Hey Uso!_

_Taro Tanaka: Hi Uso_

_Uso: So I'm moving to Ikebukuro tomorrow… any advice?_

_Kanra: Stay away from Shizuo Heiwajima_

_Uso: Who?_

_Uso: Why?_

_Setton: Oh he um, lives in Ikebukuro_

_Setton: He gets pissed off easily and kinda, sort of is insanely strong_

_Uso: He sounds cool_

_Uso: Hey Taro? Aren't you pretty new to Ikebukuro too, did your friends give you any advice?_

_Taro Tanaka: Oh yeah, they said to not piss off Shizuo Heiwajima or Izaya Orihara_

_Uso: Who's Izaya?_

_Setton: Somebody to stay away from_

_Uso: gee thanks for the clarification there, I can totally stay away from people when I have absolutely no idea what they look like…_

_Kanra: You'll know when you see them_

_Uso: I hope you're right Kanra_

_Kanra: I'm always right_

_Taro Tanaka: Did you guys see the Black Rider today?_

_Uso: obviously I didn't I mean I'm still in America so…_

_Setton: I guess you could say I was in the area_

_Kanra: you know what I heard?_

_Uso: No, I don't spy on you and I can't read thoughts_

_Kanra: I heard the Black Rider is headless_

_Kanra: but they still move, like a monster_

_Kanra: or maybe a shinigami_

_Uso: a god of death?_

_Uso: Kanra, how high are you right now?_

_Setton: Yeah Kanra, that's ridiculous_

_Taro Tanaka: Yeah Kanra… I doubt that_

_Setton: Look gotta go!_

_Uso: Bye Setton_

_-Setton has left the chat room-_

_Taro Tanaka: I gotta go too, bye guys_

_Kanra: Bye~_

_Uso: Bye dude, good luck_

_-Taro Tanaka has left the chat room-_

_Kanra: So you're from the states?_

_Uso: Yeah, what about it?_

_Kanra: I just thought it was interesting that's all_

_Uso: Why?_

_Uso: it's just America, it's not even that interesting there._

_Uso: Just full of problems, debt, and fat people. Not exactly fun. So yes the stereotypes are true._

_Kanra: ha~ that's funny_

_Uso: It's true_

_Uso: Look, gotta go…_

_Kanra: Bye Uso~_

_-Uso has left the chat room-_

I sighed as I put my laptop back in my carry-on bag since I they had just announced it was time for my flight to leave, oh joy a 12 hour flight to somewhere that was entirely different from home.

What fun.

Although I shouldn't be complaining, it's not like I was forced to go to Japan, I actually was rather excited to go out of the country to be honest. I've always wanted to go to Japan, but now that I was going to move there I was insanely nervous. I was more nervous than Finnian when he fucks up the garden…

More nervous than a 7th grader asking out the girl (probably total whore) he likes.

More nervous than Light Imagay when he first met Lawliet (L).

So I bet anyone, even inanimate objects like that vending machine could see how nervous I was right now.

**That's right Melody something without eyes can see how nervous you are when you look calm and collected on the outside. **Yeah well brain you can just go suck a fuck ok! Back off _now_ or there will be _severe_ consequences. **Oh I'm so scared of myself… I'm just trembling with fear**. Dude don't be an asshat alright?

"Well bye America, hola Japan." I muttered to myself as a failed attempt to calm my nerves a little bit while I boarded the plane.

I grumbled when I realized who I was next to, a Mother with a baby- oh hell no if that things cries I will throw it out of a goddamn window- and some guy who looked like a total flirt. Of course since lie hates me guess where I was, smack dab in the is going to be a long flight.

Well at least I got my headphones so I can block out the whores right?

~LE TIME SKIP OF NON AWESOMENESS BECAUSE NYET (NO) AWESOMENESS IS ALLOWED FOR ME SINCE PRUSSIA STOLE IT ALL~

Well at least I got my headphones to block out the whores right?

Wrong bitch. You see it turns out my headphones were in my luggage, as in I did not have them with me. Pissed beyond belief doesn't even begin to describe how mad I was at myself. Not even close. I don't even know how I could've been a Misa-Misa but here I was dumbassing (that's totally a word) it up over here worse than said blonde model idiot who doesn't even exist.

That's right I was worse than a fictional character. My Kira what has become of me?

I groaned as I got my luggage- such a pain, I was there for over an hour- and slowly but surely made my way outside and got a taxi rather quickly which did brighten my mood a little but not too terribly much. Mostly because I was insanely tired and had a severe case of the wretched whore known to normal human beings as "jet lag." Which in my opinion needs to be changed to "bitch ass whore will make you fucking regret living long enough to go through that hell." Seems more fitting if you ask me.

I got dropped off at my apartment rather quickly and set my shit down, grabbed a black winter jacket with white trim to mind screw everyone ever and retrieved my headphones immediately plugging them into my ipod so I could start listening to my awesome music.

"Uragiri no yuuyake  
Yakkaini kara mitsuku ase wo  
Kirisaku you ni shite  
Machine wa sakebu utau you ni

Blow up louder  
Mukuchi na yousei wa soko ni iru  
Blow up louder  
Tsugunai wa kudaketa ai no kake-" I hummed quietly to myself but stopped mid-song when a lamp post (WTF?) flew right in front of me imbedding itself into a wall.

What the fuck Ikebukuro?

No, more like who the hell throws lamp posts at people? Who even can?

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" someone roared and I looked around for the source. A blonde bartender was making his way over to me with a stop sign in his hand. My god, dude that is so awesome let me hug you right now!

"Uhh… sir I'm not Izaya…" I squeaked out backing into a wall with my hands in front of my chest trying to protect myself.

I guess he didn't hear me since he threw that sign like it was a javelin and I had to duck so I didn't hit me square in the face. Why would this guy even think I was Izaya? Who even is he? And then it dawned upon me: you are wearing a jacket that makes you look like an asshole and your hood is up, no one can see your face or be able to tell your gender.

"Dude calm down, I'm not Izaya I swear!" I pleaded as I took off my hood to show him that I was a girl. That's right buddy, a girl not that Izaya guy. Hold up- Izaya? Where have I heard that name before? Didn't someone like tell me to like stay away from him, or not piss him off or something?

"Wait… you're a girl?" Goldie-locks froze in mid stride and took a step back.

"Yes Goldie-locks I'm a girl. I got lumps of fat on my chest and a vagina because the world hates me and likes to watch me suffer." I said sarcastically crossing my arms over my chest completely forgetting that this same dude almost killed me not even a solid minute ago.

Not even.

I heard blondie over there laugh a little bit and I shot him a glare. It was under no circumstances funny that the world hated me. Nyet! No. Never.

"So I don't think I properly introduced myself, mostly because you threw a stop sign at my face- although that was fucking awesome… Anyway hola, I'm Melody and I literally just moved here like 2 hours ago."

"Oh yeah sorry for nearly killing you back there, heh- also don't treat it like it's cool I actually really hate that about me. Anyway my name's Shizuo Heiwajima." He finished his awkward introduction by pulling out a cigarette and lighting it.

Wait, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up. Hold the phone with my order from Dion's (a pizza place that's fucking amazing) and back up the dump truck with all my ice cream cartons Shizuo Heiwajima?

As in, gets pissed off easily and is insanely strong Shizuo?

Dude that is seriously kick ass.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa- Shizuo Heiwajima? Dude I may be new to Ikebukuro but I've heard things about you and can I just say I think you're bloody awesome!"

"Thanks?"

"But seriously though, I've heard a thing or two and dude… you are flipping awesome! Can I just like hug you or something please?!" I pleaded jumping up and down with my hands clutched in front of my chest. Yes that's what I do when I want something. Deal with that shit.

"Uhh… sure I guess." He replied awkwardly putting on some blue sunglasses that he pulled out from nowhere. I smiled and ran over tackling him into what I called a hug- meaning I pretty much squeezed out all his vital organs. Because I give out real hugs, they aren't good unless they can kill you.

After a moment he awkwardly hugged back but he seemed to be cautious almost as if hugging with his super-duper retard strength would kill me.

"Aww~ dude your super-duper retard strength isn't going to kill me broski, give me a real goddamn hug or I won't let go, I'll just cling to your leg all day like a koala."

"Please don't."

"Also super-duper retard strength? Really?" he chuckled and I nodded while doing the Attack on Titan salute, yessire that's what it shall be called whether or not you like it.

"Hey Shizuo, ol' buddy ol' pal?"

"What?"

"Can you tell me anything about Izaya Orihara?" I asked with puppy dog eyes and tilted my head when he cringed at the name. Well I bet my non-existent kittens that this guy hates Izaya.

"Why? Are you involved with that damn flea?" he growled clenching his fists.

"Yeah, no. It's just that someone told me not to piss him off but they didn't really tell me what he looked like or anything so you know, they were just the best of help weren't they?"

"Oh well he has- actually that's him over there…" he glared and immediately picked up a trash can from nearby and threw that shit hitting some faggot over there who happened to be wearing the same jacket as me. Ohh that's why Shizuo flipped his shit earlier.

It all makes sense now. No actually it really doesn't. In fact this is making things kinda worse. It makes stuff hella complicated.


	2. Outbursts and chat rooms

_**hey sexies~ Wassup? Anyway I might uhh not be able to update for a while**_

_**I'm about to pull some tough shit in another fanfiction of mine and I think it might get a little violent with the readers**_

_**I might die**_

_**:D**_

_**Disclaimer: I xxle-grellxx don't own jack shit.**_

_**Get it?**_

_**Got it?**_

_**Fantabulous.**_

_**Warning: Melody gets a little mad in this chapter and kinda... there's cursing**_

* * *

"Well, well what's up Izaya?"

I followed Shizuo as he walked over to that faggot- who was apparently Izaya- and when I saw some teens I threw them an apologetic glance before returning my attention on the bar tender.

"Didn't I tell you never to step foot in Ikebukuro again? You remember that Izaya, dontcha?"

"Shizu-chan. Last I heard you had some gig working over by the west gate."

"Pff got fired ages ago. And I'm pretty sure I've told you never to call me that. My name's Shizuo Heiwajima, try to get it right." Shizu-chan (I shall now call him that!) growled and I saw one of the teens over there gasp like that name was familiar.

"Oh come on Shizu-chan, so I pinned you for something you didn't do. Who knew you'd get so mad?"

"Oh I'm not mad, I just want to beat the shit out of you."

Izaya grinned before continuing and it made me realize what an asshole this guy truly was. "You know the problem with you Shizu-chan is that you can't be swayed by reason, and that's bad. Really bad." He pulled out a flick blade from nowhere (probably out of his ass haha…) and gave another fake ass grin.

Oh I already want to murder him and I haven't known the guy for even an hour.

"Now let me go."

"OK THAT'S IT, STOP YOU TWO BEFORE I GOT ALL APE SHIT ON YOUR ASSES! I screamed getting in the middle of them creating unwanted attention from those who passed by.

"Look both of you, shut the fuck up, mainly Izaya but still. First off I'll start with ass hat over here, dude what is your goddamn problem you whore? Just by looking at your pathetic being makes me want to strangle you, you're a fucking tool and bitch you know that shit. Look I don't even really know who you are and I don't fucking care Izaya, it's obvious you're a goddamn dick who enjoys torturing Shizuo and making him look like the bad guy because you're too much of a pussy to take responsibility for your actions. My god I have NEVER in my life met anyone worse than you, so far I can tell that you've pinned Goldie-locks over there for some tough shit and bitch that aint cool. Don't even get me started on you, who do you think you are whore? Do you think you're god, because you're not more than a pile of shit. Ok buddy? Now you better back the fuck up before you get smacked the fuck up." I hissed completely losing my composure. Yeah this kind of tends to happen when I umm… get mad.

"And Shizu-chan, you're not nearly as bad, and look I get what you're doing. Trust me I want to murder that whore over there too, but bitch you don't go around throwing goddamn trash cans at people. God dude, I almost want to slap you for that, because although he deserves to get whacked a couple thousand times you can't bring it upon yourself to murder him brutally like that. But I give you complete permission to beat the shit out of him." I finished my little outburst and calmed down a little bit glaring at both of them.

"THERE THAT'S THE GUY!" some faggot screamed and a whole bunch of his buddies came charging out of an alleyway like they were all total Sebastian x Ciel fans and there was some hardcore yaoi going on over here.

They quickly surrounded us and I prayed to Kira that they weren't here for Shizu-chan, because although it would be cool to watch him beat them all up… yeah not today.

"No punk ass bitch gets to make a fool out of me."

Well except for yourself dude, since you already sort of are just by saying that douche.

"Oh you don't go playin' 'round with the dollars…" Excuse me sir did you graduate from preschool and if so how? It appears you can't talk like a normal human being and don't understand the proper way to say anything right.

"What's with the bartender?"

"I don't know, he wasn't' here a minute ago…"

"Is that Shizuo Heiwajima?!"

"Yep dee freaking do da!" I cheered turning around and jumping like the boss I was because I just don't give a rat's ass about other people's opinions on me. I'm just that fabulous.

"What the hell do you want?!"

You know at that moment in time I think everything would've been fine if that one idiot just didn't decide to hit Shizu-chan on the head with a piece of wood. That was a bad move.

That was worse than telling Claude he can't have Ciel's soul.

That was worse than taking Ciel's soul.

That was worse than trashing Levi's office.

That was worse than taking Russia's scarf.

Dude it was _bad._

"Oh my god you whore!" I shouted and Shizu-chan ol' buddy, ol' pal growled. Well at least he's alright.

"You aimed for my head. You have to know a blow like that could kill a guy right? And this means that you were intentionally trying to kill me right? So then whatever happens next, is what you deserve right?" Shizu-chan snarled and flew around faster than a kid on a merry go round as he punched that idiot square in the face.

The dudes clothes literally came flying off. And it was hilarious as hell.

I literally started rolling on the ground laughing, I just- it was too much. I was laughing so hard my stomach hurt and I was crying, it was just that hilarious.

"Shiz- Shizuo Heiwajima… yo- your cl clothes lit literally will fl- fly… off!" I managed out between giggles.

I neglected to care when Shizuo started beating up everyone as I was currently too busy trying –but failing- to compose myself. "Well, have fun~!" Izaya waved as he took off. Oh that's just not even fair man.

Shizuo picked up a vending machine- that was _bolted into the ground_ if I might add- "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!" he screamed as he hurled it in Izaya the fags direction. Honestly, I think I'm going to hell, Shizuo's going to heaven, and Izaya's going to hell (sadly.).

Of course right as it was about to hit the troll some guy FLIPPED OFF A BUILDING (WTF IKEBUKURO SERIOUSLY?!) and caught that vending machine like it was a football. My god…

"Simon what're you doing?"

"Shizuo, fighting always bad-"

"SHUT UP! AND STAY OUT OF MY WAY!" Goldie-locks screamed as he lunged for the dude who pretty much came from the sky. I'm honestly at a loss for words…

Seriously.

What next? Is there going to be some headless girl who is looking for what she lost?

Anyway back to reality… currently that Simon guy held Shizu-chan's fist in his hand like it was a baseball and that seemed to make Shizuo even more pissed off.

"You guys should… probably like leave." I suggested with a smile full of sympathy and concern on my face, this might get a little ugly in a second.

And I was right, it was not pretty.

I feel bad for Simon, maybe I'll go track him down later and give him some money to make up for his now broken face.

After a bit I figured out a few things about Shizuo. I learned first off that we were neighbors… dude-awesome. Second that he hates violence, and finally that he is insane about his dairy products in fact it's a little scary to be honest.

But Shizu-chan's still pretty alright and he even let me call him that! Not sure why though, but hey who cares really?

~*Izaya's POV, because we just gotta go into this dicks POV sometimes you know*~

"Now to find out who you are~" I grinned as I uploaded the photos of that blue haired girl from earlier onto my computer.

After not too much searching I found some pretty good information on her and couldn't help but smile a little bit, she seemed to be almost the exact opposite as me.

**Name: Melody Worstchester**

**Age: 22**

**Birthday: October 31st, 1992**

**Born in: Pasadena, California**

**Current location: Ikebukuro, Japan**

**Eye color: Blue**

**Blood Type: AB-**

**Height: 5'6**

**Weight: 119lbs**

**Likes: sweets, animals, music, video games, writing, the dark, swimming, reading wandering, sports, nature, the beach, horror movies, and anime.**

**Hates: people, bitter things, vegetables, work, spiders, storms, Claude Faustus, romantic comedies, air planes, and dresses.**

**Love interests: None**

**Family: Mother, Catherine Worstchester-Alive, Father, Tom Worstchester-Alive, Twin Brother, Zach Worstchester-Alive. **

I was a tad curious on how someone had figured out what exactly this Melody girl liked and disliked, but hey information was information and I needed to know about this girl.

After all just like I love all my humans, all my humans should love me, Melody was no exception.

~*Back to motherfucking Melody's goddamn POV*~

"KILL, KILL, KILL, KILL, KILL, KILL, KILL, KILL, KI-"

"OH MY GOD SHIZUO SHUT UP IT IS THREE IN THE MORNING I SWEAR DUDE BE QUIET! SOME PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP GODDAMNIT!" I screamed as I threw a pillow at the wall out of frustration. Here I was trying to sleep and Shizu-chan was being very loud.

I want to punch him in the face so bad right now.

_-Uso joined the chat room-_

_Uso: Hey guys! _

_Kanra: Hi Uso-chan_

_Taro Tanaka: Hi Uso_

_Setton: Hey Uso!_

_Uso: So what goes on?_

_Uso: I can't really sleep right now because SOME PEOPLE don't know what "I need sleep" means…_

_Uso: Anyway_

_Uso: Who saw that nasty fight between Izaya and Shizuo today?_

_Kanra: I did!_

_Taro Tanaka: I saw it too!_

_Taro Tanaka: Wait, Kanra, Uso you guys were there too?_

_Uso: Ha, maybe we all saw each other and didn't even know it_

_Setton: Oh boy they didn't cause too much damage today did they?_

_Uso: Nah I think it was pretty mild_

_Uso: He mostly beat up people who claimed to be in something called "the dollars"_

_Kanra: And there was some girl with electric blue hair who like stepped in a blew her top._

_Kanra: And then like two seconds later she was on the ground laughing uncontrollably_

_Kanra: It was weird_

_Uso: Kanra, you're weird_

_Uso: Always talking about your weird paranormal crap_

_Taro Tanaka: I kinda have to agree with Uso there_

_Setton: Yep_

_Kanra: Aww~ is everyone against me?_

_Uso: Probably_

_Kanra: do you think those guys really were from the dollars though?_

_Uso: I don't know who they are but even if I did I'd say nope I doubt it_

_Uso: they're too dumb to tell left from right, no way they could ever get into a gang or anything like that_

_Setton: You'd be surprised Uso…_

_Setton: and for the record, no._

_Taro Tanaka: Nope._

_Setton: Look I got to go…_

_Taro Tanaka: Bye Setton!_

_Uso: Adios Amigo_

_-Setton has left the chat room-_

_Taro Tanaka: gotta go too. See you guys tomorrow!_

_Uso: poor Kanra's going to be left here all alone since I gotta go too…_

_Kanra: Oh don't leave~_

_Uso: too late._

_-Uso has left the chat room-_

_-Taro Tanaka has left the chat room-_

"Kanra you're so weird." I giggled under my breath as I opened up a word document and started furiously typing, hey if I can't be sleeping than I'll be writing.

It's just that simple with me sometimes.


	3. Kittens and phone calls

_**So what up? Turns out I didn't get murdered... but there is a certain someone *cough* Cielsakitty *cough* who has recently been author hunting so if you see this person please hide me. please.**_

_**Thank you very much.**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own this- I'd say I'm not the authors name but I totally forgot who created this... all I really know is that in the manga Izaya **** *******- censored because it's a spoiler.**_

_**Warning: Well you saw the word warning and this is rated T, clearly there is language in here.**_

_**Fun Fact: There is a 500 year old statue of a man eating a sack of babies in Bern, Switzerland and nobody is really sure why.**_

_**Happy dreams children~ just imagining someone eating a sack of babies GOOD GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?**_

* * *

"Hold up Shizu-chan, hold up. Now back up the dump truck full of deflated soccer balls… Are you and Yuhei Hanejima realted, because I mean I might just be crazy but dude- looking at this poster of him and then your face, it's just-"

"Please don't talk about that."

"Oh my Kira you are! Don't worry I won't say nothing or ask for any of that autograph crap or be a f-"

"You're being annoying now, on purpose, aren't you?"

"Well do you expect me _not_ to be an asshole when I haven't had sleep? Shizu-chan I hate to break the pipe over your head but deep down I love trolling people so in a way I'm like that faggot Izaya."

"I don't see it."

"Well you see I've noticed a pattern with that tool. What does he always do to you, and when he does what is he always wearing? Here I'll spell it out if I need to, Izaya-kun likes trolling Shizu-chan because he wants people to think he's a monster because when he gets mad- it's not pretty, and every time he has that smug ass grin on his face that I just want to throw into a chemical bon fire."

"And I just was pissing you off on purpose, of course my intent wasn't to get you throwing junk at me, I just wanted to see how easily you get pissed off and a little payback- speaking of which I'm not done being annoying."

"Don't start."

"Hey Shizu-chan, hey Shizu-chan, hey Shizu-chan, hey Shizu-chan, hey Shizu-chan, hey Sh-"

"WHAT?!"

"Hola." I giggled while waving like a crazy bitch, but I guess in a way I kind of was. Well to other people at least, I mean here I am hanging out with Shizuo Heiwajima- the strongest and most dangerous guy in Ikebukuro- and just yesterday I blew my top a little bit and attracted unwanted attention from Izaya Orihara who's well known and dangerous.

Very dangerous.

"Don't piss me off Melody."

"Fine, fine I'll stop. You know I hate to say this but I think I know why Izaya-kun likes to piss you off so much- it's actually pretty fun!"

"Yeah, fun for you."

"Look man I'm joking! Anywhore it seems I best be off, I have to go job hunting. Ugh."

"Bye."

"Later."

_Kanra: Hey guess what? That bike showed up again._

_Taro Tanaka: Ok, so is it true that it doesn't have a head?_

_Setton: No. That's just a creepy rumor._

_Uso: Why does it matter even Kanra? Why do you even ask us this stuff in the first place girl friend?_

_Kanra: I don't know about that my source is pretty reliable._

_Kanra: And why doesn't it matter Uso?_

_Taro Tanaka: Wow_

_Setton: How could someone not have a head?_

_Uso: Yeah dude, that's like impossible_

_Uso: Besides I know someone who knows the black rider, he said they're pretty alright and didn't mention anything about that…_

_Kanra: Well if that someone isn't human…_

_Kanra: Then anything is possible_

_Uso: Kanra are you high on drugs again?_

_Setton: Look, I gotta split._

_Uso: Adios dudes I'm out too…_

_Uso: job hunting. Ugh_

_Kanra: Bye~_

_Taro Tanaka: Bye!_

_-Uso has left the chat room-_

_-Setton has left the chat room-_

Of course by job hunting I meant I was going to look through newspapers, not like any of the jobs and go out and buy a fucking kitten. So that's exactly what I ended up doing… literally. Seriously I stared at the newspaper, got a little upset and threw it on the floor before jumping on it. And then I went out and bought some adorable awesome things known to humans as kittens which are baby cats which are just...

"OH MY GOD THESE BITCHES JUST SO KAWAIII!" I screamed petting my 2 new kittens. Ciel was a gray cat with blue eyes, and Sebastian was a black cat with green eyes… and they were just the most adorable things oh my Kira I am about to have a heart attack.

"Ohhh my Kira- too cute!" I said jumping up and down while sinning in circles because I can't handle a kitten's pure cuteness. No one can.

No one is safe.

Wow that just ended all wrong…

I heard a knock on the door and speedy gonzalesed (yes that is a word) that shit to the source.

"Oh hi Shizu-chan!"

"You alright in here Melody, it sounds like you're dying."

"I'm fine Shizuo ol' buddy, ol' pal. I kinda just got two kittens though and well- you know how that goes down with me."

"Kittens?"

"Wanna see em?"

"Ehh, sure why not?" Shizuo shrugged walked in. He looked around at my mountain of boxes before staring at me and I realized "Oh yeah, bitch your kittens are awaiting Shizu-chan and your return idiot." I quickly made my way through all my crap- I think I'm a hoarder, oh wait nope just a girl- and found Sebastian and Ciel sleeping on the couch.

"This one's Sebastian." I pointed to the black one. "And this is Ciel." I pointed to the gray one who totally was my favorite. You see while Sebastian is a boss, sometimes I just want to take his pretty little face and just…

**We don't have time for that right now Melody. Pull your shit together now.**

"You know Shizu-chan I just realized something!" I exclaimed suddenly jumping up.

"What's that?"

"These adorable fuzz balls rival you and your obsession with milk. Mother of god, someone can rival Shizuo with their love of dairy. Now I've seen it all."

"You're weird Melody." Shizuo laughed as he ruffled my hair. Oh my god you whore I don't care if you're the strongest man in Ikebukuro-dude you just messed up my hair that took three hours to do I swear I'm going to murder you in your sleep.

Don't ever do that again.

EVER.

You don't mess up my hair and live to tell the tale. Yep just like if you take Russia's scarf, trash Corporal Levi's office, take Ciel's soul, or eat all of Lawliet's cake- you won't live to tell a soul about what you've done.

"… I spent three hours on my hair Shizuo. I was going to go shopping Shizuo. My hair has been ruined Shizuo. You have five minutes to hide before I grab my baseball bat Shizuo." I spoke quietly in short sentences to get my point across.

Right as I was about to flip around and wrap my hands around Shizuo's pretty little throat fate saved his ass and my phone rang. Oh you are just so lucky… soooo lucky. I saw the number- I didn't know it but I shrugged and answered it anyway.

"Hello?"

"Hello Melo-chan~" Oh my god, not _that _voice. You have got to be joking.

"How the fuck did you get this number?!"

"Hey Melody are you alright over there?"

"Tell him. I dare you."

"No Shizu-chan buddy~. Everything's fine. Just some old faggot from America who I told to leave me alone."

"Let me talk to him."

"Nyet. I can handle this one, don't worry I'll just be outside."

"Alright." Shizuo replied as I walked out of the apartment trying furiously not to explode all over this whore.

"What do you want?" I hissed into my cell phone tempted to smash it on the ground or just hang up. Wait why don't I just do that?

"You seem mad Melo-chan~ why is that?"

"I'm not mad, no no no. I'm far beyond mad right now you little whore."

"That's not nice."

"I don't give a flying canoe, go cry in a corner for all I care. Go fall into a pit and _die_. That's make me like you more if you did those two things you know."

"You shouldn't talk to god like that."

"I KNEW IT! Oh my Kira, that's richer than Bill Gates, you actually think you're god, oh my god I'm dying over here. That's hilarious, you see Izaya God is supposed to be loved and last time I checked 110% of humanity hated you."

"You're right, god is supposed to be loved and it's only a matter of time bef-"

"No, let me stop you right there. Izaya what will it take for me to get it through your thick skull into that microscopic brain of yours that I do not like you, my friend does not like you, his friends do not like you, and none of Ikebukuro likes you? What will it take?"

"Oh but that's where you're wrong, plenty of people like me."

"Where? On the internet where nobody knows you're Izaya Orihara- the most annoying person ever to set foot on planet earth?"

"Well you could say that…"

"Wow you are a loser. Like you're more of a loser than Light was up against L in the long run. You're more of a loser than Claude Faustus in episode 12 of season 2. You're more of a loser than Asura who got his ass kicked by a weak little girl. You're such a loser that I'm getting a headache listening to you. And you know what happens to people who give me headaches on the phone? They get hung up upon bitch." I snarled as I ended the call not letting him reply.

I then put a big smile on my face and walked back inside to show that I no longer wanted to strangle somebody. But I still did of course.

* * *

_**Fun Fact: Months that start with Sunday will always have a Friday the 13th**_

_**Nyet: No in Russian**_

_**Kawai or Kawaii- I really don't care how you spell it: Cute in Japanese**_


	4. Annoyance and shopping

_**Hola.**_

_**Hola.**_

_**Hola.**_

_**That's how we do it in Pewdiepie down bitches- ahh how I miss my friend Trinity who always said that. No she didn't die. She moved, and it sucked.**_

_**Not like yall care- or even read these things so...**_

_**Disclaimer: Me no owns ze Durarara and I never will so get that through your skulls ok?**_

_**Fantabulous. Just like Alios's ass- I mean umm shit you didn't just read that.**_

_**Warning: Le Izaya be in Le chapter pissing Le Melo-chan off. Le Melo-chan wants to murder said eskimo.**_

_**Fun Fact: In the anime Death Note Misa-Misa's ringtone is "Alumina" the first ending song for the anime. Bet yall didn't know that one... I bet my nothing because I'm broke as fuck. *cries***_

_**Author-chan has stopped working, would you like to wait or restart the program?**_

* * *

"So did you deal with that guy Melody?"

"Yeah I told him off pretty good, I'm still curious though… how the fuck did he get my number?"

"Who knows."

"Well… he knows, and if he got the number from someone then they know, the internet probably knows, "God" knows, the gov-"

"I get it."

"I'm still pissed that you kind of fucked up my hair dude."

"Look I'm sorry, girls and their hair…" he muttered that last part under his breath. Hey! What's wrong with caring about my precious locks? Do you know how much effort and time it even took to make it go down to my thighs and do you know how long it took and how much it cost to get all that shit dyed?!

Dude it was not cheap and very time consuming.

Very.

"Whatever, I need to go shopping so you can just stay here or leave- I don't mind nor do I give a flying pedobear." I sighed as I grabbed my purse and scribbled out a list of exactly what u needed in less than 3 minutes.

"Adois amigo." I waved as I exited my apartment praying that it would stay _clean_. I have had guys over at my house while I'm away and usually they just… yeah destroyed. Ruined. Sometimes the cleanup took days, mostly because I made them do it and honestly I'm as picky as Levi but still.

That isn't the point I'm trying to make here, there isn't one.

The short walk was pretty peaceful and I got there in like 5 minutes without any trouble but the second I entered the store I noticed there were a lot of high school kids in here. Great they must've all just gotten out of school. Fun.

Real fun, the only thing that could make this even better would be-

"Melo-chan."

"What the fuck? Are you like stalking me or something?!"

"Maybe~"

"Oh my god Izaya you whore leave me alone before I kill you brutally with my pet baseball bat."

"That's not very nice and I'm being very nice to you Melo-chan."

I just sighed and walked off trying my best not to be bugged by this asshole right now. I need to do my shopping so I can go back home and you know like… live life.

Also I ran out of sweets yesterday and when you have a major sweet tooth, that's not really a good thing. At all. Ever. It actually is torture. Like if you ever wanted me to tell you something just take away my sugar, I'll confess faster than Lawliet can get someone arrested.

Spotting the cake I pretty much ran over there and finally decided on a really nice chocolate one. Then I proceeded to clean out the candy aisle and actually did get some healthy things like meat and vegetables- believe it or not I enjoy eating healthy as well.

I didn't even care as Izaya followed me around the store like a shadow, I didn't mind that he was watching my every move- nope didn't give one flying fucking canoe. Nada. Zero. None. Nyet Neko-Ciels were given.

It wasn't until I was out of the store on my way back home did I finally pay attention to the whore who had started poking my shoulder halfway through my shopping. And he would not stop. And I did not like it, at all. And I wanted to strangle him for it and probably would if he didn't get his gross little unclean hands off of me right now.

"Man Melo-chan you sure have a big sweet tooth~"

"What about it?" I asked flatly no emotion in my voice as I gave a slight glance at him.

"I just don't understand how you can stomach all that sweet crap- I don't like it one bit."

"And I don't like how you're bugging me right now but you don't see me complaining about it." I snapped back as I stopped walking and spun around so my foot could come into contact with his- as Hetalia puts it- vital regions.

He groaned in pain but didn't crumple to the ground, of course I could tell he wouldn't really be getting anywhere fast so I took the opportunity to run back to my home as Usainly Bolt possible. **What you just said doesn't make sense Melo-chan.** Oh don't you start calling me that too brain or I swear I will call you Claude Faustus and every time you talk I'll give you his voice. **You wouldn't.** Try me.

But I had to stop in mid run when I almost tripped over a stray dog. And my god was that thing adorable- sure he looked beaten up but he… he just. Damn you cute things!

"Aww my Kira, he's so cute I just want to give him a hug and a nice warm home and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah cute things, blah blah blah kill Izaya, blah blah blah Shizu-chan's kick ass and blah blah blah."

'_Too bad dogs aren't allowed in the apartments'_ I thought to myself as I ruffled the dogs fur affectionately before getting up and beginning to run home again. I didn't really want to have to deal with that eskimo any more than I'd have to.

"I'M HOME WORLD, THAT SHALL BE ALL!" I shouted as I entered my apartment and waved at Shizuo who was currently watching a movie with that guy… what was his name- he's Shizuo's brother, um…

Damnit I forgot Kasuka's stage name. It was like Yuhei.. Yuhei Hanejima? Was that it? Yeah that's right Yuhei hanejima!

"Wow your brother really does got acting skills, daaaaammmmmmmmmnnnnn he fine." I commented as I started putting the groceries away. Shizuo remained silent though, he seemed pretty concentrated on his brother- I mean I guess that makes sense and all since he probably never gets to see him but still dude don't be creepy.

Just don't

Please

Please Shizuo

Just don't ever

I finished putting the groceries away and stalked over to the couch plopping down next to Shizuo before realizing that he had fallen asleep, well that would explain why he was being mute…

After many failed attempts at trying to wake up Goldie-locks I finally gave up on the living rock and changed it to my favorite anime of all time. Kuroshitsuji- and I fangirled like crazy while I finished season 2 glad that bastard Claude died too busy off in lala land to realize that Shizu-chan finally woke up.

Note to self: to wake up one Shizuo Heiwajima just put anime on.

* * *

_**Yeah I know this chapter had no meaning, it really wasn't supposed to. Sometimes you just have to have chapters like that. **_

_**Plus I got bored and Melo-chan went shopping and well... I've been busy lately not like yall care because blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah**_

_**Fun Fact: Gray Fullbuster received a 5/5 on the nudity scale for statistics... 0.0 GRAY PUT YO SHIRT BACK ON!**_

_**Gray: No**_

_**Me: damnit GRAY PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!**_

_**Gray: buuuutttt Whhhhyyyyy?**_

_**Me: because... I don't know, it's awkward to see HALF NAKED MEN walking around all the time!**_

_**Gray: I don't see the problem here**_

_**Me: of course you don't... you never do see the problem with people who constantly take their clothes off at the most random times for absolutely no reason.**_


	5. Meeting fellow Otakus!

_**What be going on my favorite little non-existent readers?**_

_**Cool, cool and I know what you're talking about because I can read le minds :D**_

_**So meow?**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't won Durarara, I was allowed to for a day and lets just say that really didn't end too well...**_

_**Warning: cursing, it's rated T so nothing sexual and I can't think of anything else to warn you about 'cept cursing**_

_**Fun Fact: The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache.**_

* * *

Note to self: to wake up one Shizuo Heiwajima just put anime on.

"What shit is this?" Shizuo asked groggily and I could immediately tell we would not see eye to eye on this anime thing. Not one bit.

"Shizuo this "shit" is Kuroshitsuji one of the best fucking animes of all damn time…"

"Oh so you're like Erika and those guys."

"Who?"

"Oh, they like anime- don't get it, just animated people and girls with huge ass boobs…"

You know what Shizuo? That was a very valid point you made there, now bitch leave for insulting my anime. Nah I'm just kidding, see how I said that inside of my head.

"They um… sound awesome. Where can I find them?"

"They usually go to this giant anime store called like animate or something, I don't know." Shizuo said as he took a cigarette out of his pocket. Oh no no no no no NO Shizuo not here. In case you haven't noticed I have fucking cats here.

"Nope Shizuo, balcony now. I don't mind you smoking but I have cats- nope out you go."

"Whatever." Shizuo sighed and got up going out to the balcony. I silently thanked the all holy gods known as Kira and Lawliet, grabbed my keys and left. Wow I seem to be mentally challenged at staying inside of my apartment as of late…

Like really mentally challenged, I've left what, twice today? In like an hour?

Seriously Melody seriously you didn't graduate from Harvard to become mentally challenged at staying inside of your own home… ok let's not talk about that here, please. Please.

I quickly made my way around Ikebukuro remembering that I saw some giant ass place called animate not too far from the subway where I first showed up. Thank Kira I remembered that because I really honestly do not like asking for directions, I just feel so weird doing it and half the time they don't even point me to the right place. It gets annoying pretty fast you know?

Anywhore short story short I got to the anime store rather quickly and immediately felt like I was in heaven. It was just so beautiful with all the manga books and DVDs and figurines and pillows and jewelry and shirts and cosplay, this seriously was otaku heaven and I would gladly die just to come here. I had just picked up the first book in the Death Note (wicked awesome) series when I felt a slight tap on my shoulder and spun around to see a girl in all black with a bun hidden by a hat and some normal looking guy with a sweatshirt and smile on his face.

"Hola?"

"That's a really good series!" the girl squealed as she pointed to my book.

"Oh my god I know right I mean I've seen like the anime a million times but I hated episode 25 because of L and what not but I kept watching and I've been really wanting to read the manga because I heard L doesn't actually die- well he does but on his own terms so it's all like…" I started going into my anime craze but trailed off thinking they wanted me to shut up. But nope because not even seconds later they fired up into their own frenzies on everything Death Note (still wicked awesome).

Oh I can already tell we will be the best of friends… nothing beats otaku friends. Ever.

"So what's your names?" I asked politely with a smile on my face. Dude they were like me – how could I not be happy to see my fellow anime obsessed possible yaoi loving buddies?

"I'm Erika, this is Walker" she pointed to the guy in the sweatshirt. "Over there is Saburo and Kyohei- also known as Dota-chin!"

"Cool, cool I'm Melody." I did a little bow like I was a princess after I had introduced myself. "You know you look a lot like Miku Melody…"

"Huh I guess I do, my friends back home said that too so it must be true." I laughed out and then I remembered what Shizu-chan ol' buddy ol' pal said. Holy flying waffle alien saucers made out of fucking cheese these are his friends…

"Hey you guys wouldn't happen to be friends with Shizu-chan would you?"

"We know him. Why? Did you like piss him off of something, or are you his friend?"

"Friend I guess, I started talking about anime and he just mentioned me being like you guys and told me about some anime store which I believe needs to be named otaku heaven because that's indeed what this place is."

"Ohhhh so you're new to Ikebukuro then?"

"Yepdee freaking do da!"

"Hey have you met Izaya?" Erika asked with curious eyes. "Sadly yes I have met Izaya." I sighed praying that said Eskimo wouldn't randomly show up like he always did when his name was mentioned. Luckily for once he didn't. I want to thank the gods of Death Note for freeing us of this curse known as Izaya Orihara.

"So then do you ship Shizaya?" she asked with a grin on her face and at that moment I could tell we really were going to be the best of my friends like my Kira. Dude I hadn't even thought of that pairing but dude that is easily the best one I have ever heard in my entire 22 years of life.

"Well now I do Erika holy shit I never even thought of that pairing but that is just… wow. That is awesome."

"Isn't it though?" Walker asked with a smile on his face.

* * *

~TIME SKIP BECAUSE THIS CHAPTER ISN'T TURNING INTO A GODDAMN CHAT FEST ABOUT ANIME- I KNOW I HAD TO RUIN THE FUN, WHATEVER I'VE GIVEN UP ON TRYING TO MAKE TIME SKIPS FUNNY~

"I'm home again." I grunted as I flopped on the couch with giant bags in my hands. "Melody where were you?" Shizuo asked and I swear I could hear a little concern in his voice.

"Shopping." Was all I said as I got up and walked my lazy ass into the kitchen to make dinner, well apparently now for two. I really didn't expect Shizuo to waste today at my house doing nothing. Honestly I feel a little honored but still pretty bad that he wasted a day off on me. Like really bad.

"And Shizu-chan buddy you really didn't have to wait here all day for me- that seriously makes me feel like a bitch."

"Why?"

"I don't know Shizu-chan because you sat around all day in my house while I went off being a dumb whore who instead of looking for a job like she should be doing was fucking around at the store…" I stated sarcastically as I started chopping vegetables unleashing my fury on Izaya towards them.

"You need a job?"

"Well yeah I do I guess… I'm thinking of becoming a teacher but I'm not really sure if anyone'll hire me, after all I don't exactly look old enough to be one." I sighed.

"I heard something. Apparently the teacher for Raira was injured by this new guy called like the slasher or something. Maybe you could take over for him there?" Shizuo suggested. Well that is some luck isn't it now? Don't get me wrong I still feel bad for that teacher but this is some serious fucking luck here.

"I guess I'll check that out tomorrow Shizuo, hope you're right about that buddy!" I smiled as I started putting the vegetables in a pot of boiling water.

* * *

_**Sure it's a little bit of an awkward ending but this chapter didn't have a fucking end arghhh I hate those kinds of chapters where no matter what there is no good end I just wanna..**_

_**~Downstairs (or in the basement) with xxle-grellxx-and the other hoes**_

_**Shizuo: So um... what's the point of this story exactly Author-chan?**_

_**Author-chan: Well it's for you and Melo-chan to get together of course! But that doesn't mean Izaya won't be involved**_

_**Izaya: I heard my name?**_

_**Author-chan: Speak of the devil**_

_**Shizuo: literally**_

_**Izaya: daww Shizu-chan that wasn't nice**_

_**Shizuo: shut the hell up damn flea**_

_**Author-chan: OI NO FIGHTING WE GOT KIDS UP IN HERE**_

_**Violet:..who?**_

_**Author-chan: VIOLET WRONG FANFICTION DAMNIT**_

_**Violet: oops but Claude was harassing me and blah blah I'm going to kill you Author-chan blah blah**_

_**~everyone in durarara~: ?**_

_**Celty: Why?**_

_**Author-chan: long story**_

_**Author-chan: oh damnit they're fighting again -_-**_

_**Izaya: yeah Shizuo show Melody what a monster you are**_

_**Melody: Izaya I think it's fucking awesome now leave before I rip your non-existent balls off**_

_**Izaya: how violent~**_

_***WE ARE CURRENTLY HAVING DIFFICULTIES IT SEEMS MELODY MAY HAVE LOST HER MARBLES AND IS WELL- BRUTALLY BEATING UP IZAYA WE APOLIGIZE FOR THE ISSUE***_

_**Fun Fact:The fist product to have a bar code was Wrigleys gum.**_


	6. Teahcers and stew

_**Oh look Author-chan's back. No cheers for Author-chan!**_

_**So it has been a busy week of dead Marco jokes, writing, schoolwork, and eating for me...**_

_**Not like yall needed to know that, I mean really you didn.t But hey I'm a girl I can't help but tell you the useless shit in life and you have to learn to live with that if you don't want to be forever alone boys**_

_**Anywhore...**_

_**It's almost summer! Fucking yes!**_

_**Disclaimer: Nope I xxle-grellxxx do not own Durarara and only use the characters and plotline for my own writing because it is very fun and no matter how much my stories suck I will continue to pollute the world with this trash**_

_**so get over it**_

_**Warning: Cursing.**_

_**That's right just cursing. **__**We don't usually break the fourth wall in this story- no that's for Why did I ever step foot outside the woods? My other (horrible since I have to sponser it) fanfiction about a hoe named Violet**_

_**Fun Fact:Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. That's right yall peanut butter is a deadly bitch, man I have problems**_

* * *

"So… Shizuo what exactly did you do to cause all of this?" I asked through clenched teeth as I gestured around my destroyed kitchen. I swear I leave for 2 minutes to go talk to my brother Zach and when I come back this place is more fucked up than Amanda Bynes.

I seriously am at a loss for words. I don't understand how this keeps happening- I swear every time I leave my apartment bad things happen.

"Well Shizuo?" I asked again impatiently as I tapped my foot on the ground with a death glare on my face. Dude- look man I get that you're overly strong and all that funderfulness but seriously, please try _not _to destroy my home.

"Uh sorry about this Melody I just, I thought I saw that damn flea and I reached for the nearest thing to throw and him and my hand kinda came in contact with a fire and well-"

"So you saw the Eskimo and decided that you would throw a pot of boiling soup on him?" I interrupted. He just nodded his head and looked away awkwardly. Well I guess I have to go out again to go get some more food. Seriously, this sucks.

I sighed before opening my mouth to speak. "Well I'll be right back Shizuo, I'm just going to go to Russia's Sushi since you know you kinda busted up Simon's face and it's not too far away and blah blah blah blah blah…"

I swear I felt like I was talking to a brick wall at that point because Shizuo was kinda just looking at me like I was an insane bitch. Sure okay maybe I was but that's not important right now. I just shook my head, grabbed my keys and wallet and set out on a magical journey flying through the sky on a magical conquest for you and I.

"Oh Melody, you come eat at Russia Sushi? It good and not human even on half off day!" Simon smiled as he noticed me walking into the restaurant and I couldn't help but giggle over that last part. I mean lately I had been hearing a lot about missing people who apparently were being used for human experiments or something but I really wasn't all that interested in the details. I guess someone must've thought that these guys may be the culprits…

Even though I seriously doubt Simon could hurt anyone since he seems like a pacifist- although I still wouldn't try to piss him off.

* * *

~LE FUTURE SKIP OF MAGICAL IZAYA'S FLYING ALL OVER DEATH CITY SPEWING KISHINS EVERYWHERE BECAUSE HE'S A DICK- I UHH DON'T TELL HIM I SAID THAT PLEASE~

"Alright class I'm your new teacher Miss Worstchester since you know your old teacher kind of well… I think you all know. "I introduced as I walked into my new class full of "wonderful" little children that I'd have to force to learn. You know when you think about teachers like that it just well ruins them for you, now I feel like I'm an asshole and not a teacher.

I feel like a monster.

"Hello Miss Worstchester." The class replied sounding rather bored but they did seem a tiny tad little bit shocked by my blue hair. My guess is most teachers aren't as different as I was.

"So kids this year we'll be learning all kinds of crap that I had to learn- don't worry I hated it too so I truly am sorry- but first off I want to get you all to know me so… you can all ask me one question after I take role for our lucky class 1-A! " I cheered as I got out my role sheet and began calling the names noticing that Mikado kid was that child from the other day when Shizu-chan flipped his shit. Hopefully he won't bring that up. I really am not in the mood right now, ok it's like fucking Monday and my kitchen is still destroyed I think...

I haven't been home in a few days. Shizuo's taking care of my cats...

Moving On.

Most of the questions they asked were basic like "What's your favorite color?" or "Are you from America?" and many things like that but there was one question that really made me go- "Ok how many of these kids are on drugs?!"

"So Miss Worstchester are you like… dating Shizuo Heiwajima?" Mikado asked shyly looking at the ground like he was afraid I'd give him the glare of death. (and puppies). "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, what? No Mister Ryugamine I am not dating Shizuo Heiwajima- I am merely a friend of his, honestly while I get why you might think that, what on gods horrible earth made you think that?" I sighed as I rubbed my head realizing that teenagers were a lot of work. I mean I knew that but my god where do these kids even…?

"I uh just was… um curious Mi-"

"No no it's all fine Mikado, all fine- anyway kids time for rules, get your groans out now please so we can move this along.

"First off there will be no cursing in this classroom, if I'm not allowed to then you're not either. Second there will be no fighting, well physically at least, in this classroom either. Third no sexual harassment in this class or the hallways- now that's not my rule and you should all know that but if you're caught doing it you have no excuse to get yourself out of it. And finally no talking about gangs, drugs, Izaya Orihara, Shizuo Heiwajima, the black rider, suicide, or murderers in this classroom-nope leave that in the halls because I don't want to hear it."

Luckily the rest of the class day went pretty smoothly and the teens seemed to respect me enough to the point where I didn't have to give anyone detention or talk to them after class. Of course it still wasn't like baking a cake either, it was damn difficult to keep them focused. Now part of that could've been my fault with my getting off topic and what not but still, I can already tell teaching will be far from easy.

* * *

~OH MY GOD LOOK WHAT IT FUCKING IS, THIS AUTHOR-CHAN HAS PUT IN YET ANOTHER TIME SKIP! AND THIS TIME IT'S BECAUSE OF GRAY WHO WON'T PUT HIS SHIRT ON AND SHE DIED FROM OVERDOSAGE OF FANGASMS~

"Hey Melody you seen Walker around?" Erika called and had a sad look (and I swear to that dead titan over there a sweat drop appear on her head) all up on her facial area when I shook my head no, huh I guess something news hitting the shelves today. Whew more anime and manga to waste my life on!

Ahhh death, the reminder that life sucks…

"Melo-chaaaaaaaaannnnnn"

"Oh shit nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo leave me alone damnit!"

* * *

_**In the basement of awesome (totally didn't break into Prussia's room) with xxle-grellxx- and the others duh!**_

_**Author-chan: Awww Izaya stop sexually harassing our little protagonist Melody**_

_**Izaya: but humans are so much fun... and they must all love me, I thought I was making this pretty clear**_

_**Author-chan: look Izaya, I'm a total Izaya fan- although Shizu-chan beats you by a fucking million landslides- and even I want to punch you in the face because dude, you're like unloveable. It's just like...**_

_**Shizu-chan: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAA-KKKKKKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNN**_

_**Author-chan: Oi we aint breaking shit here**_

_**Melody: Calm down Shizu-chan buddy please!**_

_**Kida: Hey Mikado did you see that new teacher for class 1-A? Totally boobylicious**_

_**Mikado: Kida... I'm in Class 1-A**_

_**Kida: oh yeah**_

_**Melody: Idiots I can hear you**_

_**Izaya: Melo-chan!**_

_**Melody: No, no help me someone please HELP ME!**_

_**Anri: Author-chan I thought you said the point of this was to get Shizu-chan and Melody together, so why is Izaya...?**_

_**Author-chan: as I said that was the point but I never said Izaya wouldn't screw shit up and knowing my sick mind all sorts of weird'll happen, I mean if I can find the rest of the damn manga -_-**_

_**Violet: Damn right she got a sick mind**_

_**Author-chan: BACK TO YOUR FANFICTION YOU GO VIOLET**_

_**Violet: buuuuutttt Claude**_

_**Claude: Violet~ where are you**_

_**Author-chan: oh shit everyone hide**_

_**Fun Fact: Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.**_

_**Melody and Izaya: I love how some of these are considered fun facts when they're about death**_

_**Melody: ugh get out of sync with me Izaya *kicks***_

_**Izaya: ow... why'd she hurt god?**_

_**Author-chan: because you deserved it**_

_**Shizuo: damn right he did**_

_**Author-chan: SHIZU-CHAN *glomps Shizuo***_


	7. walls and horror movies

_**Aww look it's me Author-chan! Joy to the world (not really)**_

_**So... it's been a while- like 3 whole days**_

_**That's actually a very long time for me since I kinda just sit down, write a chapter and then post that shit**_

_**But you see I have another fanfiction *Gasp* that's right Author-chan has been cheating on you, I'm not really sorry**_

_**Hehe**_

_**Disclaimer: Durarara! manga, anime (season one and two (coming soon woot woot)), and the light novel do not belong to me. Get it? Got it? Fantabulous with Neko Levi's on top**_

_**Speaking of Levi on top- NO HOW DID WE GET ON THIS TOPIC!**_

_**Warning: cursing**_

_**Do I really have to warn you guys?**_

_**Fun Fact: The average person spends six years of their life sleeping**_

* * *

"Oh shit nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo leave me alone damnit!" I groaned as I turned behind me to see a certain little shit head, known to the world as Izaya Orihara.

I flipped back around faster than humanly possible and took off in that direction down the street not bothering to give a single fuck about the surroundings around me. That's probably how I ended up in an alley… wow I really am a dumbass sometimes. I sighed as I saw a cliché brick wall all up in my way- but that didn't stop me.

In one swift movement I ran towards the wall and did some fabulous hardcore parkour and pretty much ran up the wall which somehow landed my on the top of said wall. Don't ask how I did it, I guess I'm just that amazing at parkour, I mean I used to climb to the top of buildings by pipe for fun when I was like 11 so yeah that makes sense.

"Hmm seems Melo-chan's a climber, I didn't expect that. You truly are interesting." Izaya grinned with that same _smug-ass _grin that I just wanted to smack off his face so I could slam it onto the pavement and smash it. I glared before flipping him off and jumping off the wall onto the other side. Yay safe side of the wall! Just like the cool side of the pillow.

I really do watch too much TV.

"Oh hey kids!" I smiled as I noticed some kids- I think it was that one kid with the weird name, that shy girl and some kid who totally was in my class this morning but didn't belong- who were giving me "WTF?!" faces. They still had their mouths slightly agape before I said Izaya and Goldie-locks nodded like he understood. Dear god I hope he doesn't, no child should ever have to meet such an asshole troll. I think from now on Izaya shall be known as Trollzaya- it's pretty fitting.

_-Uso joined the chat room-_

_Uso: what goes on my little friend Kanra~? I see it's just you and I tonight_

_Kanra: yay~ girl time!_

_Uso: So I meet this creep ass hoe, what should I do?_

_Kanra: what's his name?_

_Uso: well I call him Trollzaya but his proper name is Izaya Orihara_

_Uso: he's a total pain in the ass_

_Uso: And get this! He won't leave me alone! It's like Gawd man get a life!_

_Uso: Argh he just infruiates me so much I want to slap that smug ass grin off his face, throw it on the ground and smash it_

_Kanra: Izaya?_

_Kanra: I always thought he was kinda cute~_

_Uso: Gross, he's all yours girl, go right on ahead, I won't stop you_

_Uso: I hate him so much I jumped over a brick wall today just to avoid him…_

_Kanra: Really now? Doesn't that seem like a bit of an overreaction?_

_Kanra: For all you know he just wanted to say hi_

_Uso: And for all you know he wanted to ruin my life like he does to everyone else…_

_Kanra: I don't think we're seeing quite eye to eye here_

_Uso: Nope_

_-Taro Tanaka has joined the chat room-_

_Taro Tanaka: hey! What are you guys talking about_

_Uso: Izaya Orihara the king of pricks_

_Uso: Seriously I jumped over a brick wall today just to avoid him_

_Uso: and then these kids were like WTF until I said Izaya_

_Kanra: Wow~ it really seems like a lot of people aren't fond of him_

_Uso: Ok Kanra, have you even met him? Or have you just seen the guy around town?_

_Kanra: uh…_

_Taro Tanaka: wait Uso you jumped over a wall?_

_Uso: yeah…_

_**-Taro Tanaka has sent you a private message-**_

_**Taro Tanaka: Miss Worstchester?**_

_**Uso: Oh my god nooo my students have found me online**_

_**Uso: so I'm guessing you're the Ryugamine kid, I know the blonde probably doesn't really know me and that other girl, she just- you seem like more of a guy than a girl**_

_**Uso: Now this may make me sound like an asshole but did you do your homework?**_

_**Taro Tanaka: yes.**_

_**Uso: Good, now I won't have to ride your ass in class which means one less person to deal with**_

_**Taro Tanaka: you're weird**_

_**Uso: thank you**_

_**Taro Tanaka: Are you in the dollars?**_

_**Uso: Uhh how about a no there?**_

_**Uso: anywhore Kanra's going crazy so we best get back to the main chat and abandon her**_

_Kanra: don't ignore me~!_

_Uso: Kanra, I have to go._

_Taro Tanaka: so do I, sorry_

_Kanra: awww~ please don't go!_

_-Uso has left the chat room-_

_-Taro Tanaka has left the chat room-_

I sighed as I closed my laptop and glanced at the clock, oh perfect it's 7:25, the library will be closing in 5 minutes… fun.

That means more walking around Ikebukuro… alone, as in without anyway to walk around town with. Well that sucks. **Maybe you should go home, you've been wandering Ikebukuro like all week, in your uniform for work as a teacher for students teaching them how to not cause failure in the future… I mean you should at least wash that shit.** **And you have cats last time I checked.**

I carefully placed my laptop back into my back before venturing outside into the brightly lit city looking around as I quickly made my way home praying to Kira that I wouldn't run into anyone annoying. I really do not have time for bull shit right now.

Luckily I got home without much of a hassle and announced to the entire apartment that I was home as I flicked on the lights immediately noticing that this place was hella cleaner than I left it. O-kay so someone broke into my house and cleaned it. Not really sure if I should feel honored or creeped out. I'm probably going to have to go with the latter.

"Ciel, Sebastian my babies mommy is finally home!" I called out as I searched the small apartment for my kittens seeing them curled up on my bed sleeping peacefully and that's when I remembered that I had left Shizuo in charge of the cats, I sighed a breathe of relief when I realized that Shizuo probably just cleaned the place up and not fairy burglars from Pluto and made a mental note to thank him later.

I quickly changed into Alois shorts and a low cut crimson tank top before exploring the contents of my pantry finally deciding on some Oreos and a horror movie to watch because fuck grading papers, I mean I already got all that shit done anyways so…

Break time!

I was about halfways through "The Conjuring" feeling rather disappointed since it wasn't nearly as good as I had anticipated when I heard a knock on the door. Now who on god's green –but not for long at this rate- fucking Earth would show up at my house at this time?! I paused the movie and shuffled my way over to the door opening it and smiling brightly when I saw it was Shizuo.

He just stared at me for a moment before turning his head away and then it dawned upon me that I was wearing booty shorts (Alois shorts) and a low cut red tank top probably were not the most favored clothes among Japan. Of course I just ignored this not even slightly bothered by what I was wearing and asked Shizuo what was up to which he awkwardly replied that he was just checking on me.

He left very soon after and I returned to my movie snuggling with my kittens on the couch as I continued to shovel popcorn and Oreos into my mouth while returning to my "horror" movie. Before even knowing it I had fallen asleep right there on the couch into a peaceful slumber with the TV still on waiting for what would happen tomorrow.

* * *

_**~In the basement with xxle-grellxx (author-chan) and the DRRR! cast~**_

_**Izaya: what kind of ending was that**_

_**Author-chan: One hell of a cat infested on that's what**_

_**Izaya: What?**_

_**Shizu-chan: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAA-KKKKKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!**_

_**Melody: Oi Shizu-chan buddy calm down**_

_**Izaya: why do you get to call him Shizu-chan?!**_

_**Melody: Because I'm not an asshole**_

_**Izaya: so cold Melo-chan~**_

_**Izaya: But I'll make you love me eventually~**_

_**Melody: In your wettest dreams dude**_

_**Shizuo: Melody can I please just kill this damn flea?**_

_**Shinra: Izaya! who's your friend?**_

_**Melody: Friend? Oh fuck no**_

_**Simon: EAT AT RUSSIA SUSHI**_

_**Fun fact: the Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters**_


	8. Storms, cats, and problem solving

_**Hi... todays chapter is based off of a true story that never actually happened to me or hopefully anyone ever making it fake so I really have no idea why you're still reading this**_

_**So..**_

_**Yall are gonna make me cry**_

_**No reviews :( not even bad**_

_**none**_

_**none**_

_**You guys have killed Author-chan**_

_**Are you sick little fucks happy now seeing my dead corpse decompose**_

_**I bet you are**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara! season one or two which has yet to come out because it was announced on like March 15th or something**_

_**I don't fucking know... I never do**_

_**Fun Fact: Though Shizuo commonly is throwing awesome things like vending machines he is actually pretty damn scrawny, don't ask...**_

* * *

I awoke as I heard my alarm clock go off from my room and I groaned as I fell off the couch and onto the not so very soft hardwood floor. Ouch. I immediately frowned when I saw the weather for today: a fuck-ton of rain, the only upside to this of course was the fact that it was raining so hard that they actually ended up canceling school. Whew a day off stranded in my apartment. What fun.

No seriously. That sounds like a field day of awesomeness and pancakes. Speaking of pancakes… I'm a hungry hoe. To prove this theory my stomach growled like that wolf from episode eight of season two of Black Butler that always makes me cry.

As I decided to follow my stomachs demands for food my phone decided to be a little bitch and ring interrupting me from my wonderful baking time of pancakes and disasters- er I mean making some simple pancakes to be digested in my belly so I can become nice and fat. Or something…

"Hello?" I asked as I answered my phone and as usual I didn't recognize the number. "Oh hey Melo-chan!" I heard an overly cheerful voice reply and I immediately groaned. "No fuck you, leave me alone Izaya." I said as I hung up the phone and returned to making my wonderful pancakes because like Ticci-Toby I think that shit is awesome as fuck.

"Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom~" I said happily as I ate my breakfast and watched some Death Note which was without a doubt my favorite anime ever. I mean who doesn't love insane handsome guys who go apeshit insane and make the funniest faces in the world only to have their dreams crushed by an equally-if not sexier- handsome guy who constantly can kick his ass with just one foot? I got to be honest that sounds pretty freaking cool if you ask me and everyone knows it's true.

I bet those vending machines Shizuo throws know it's true, no there isn't a doubt in my mind that they do and for Kira's sake they don't even have brains. They're like zombies, but probably smarter. You know what vending machines are also smarter than? Izaya Orihara who will not leave me alone and almost always shows up when I mention him out loud or in my mind.

In fact I bet in 3…2…1… "knock, knock~ Melo-chan!" Speak of the devil. Literally- I'm sure if I asked everyone that knew Izaya more than half of them would agree with me that he is the devil himself. "Dude I know you're a stalker and all but seriously don't ever fucking show up to my house or I will send Shizu-chan all up on your ass!" I called over to the door as I continued watching Death Note not even glancing away from the screen. That is until well… the door opened. "I swear if you broke that door I will steal all of your money and buy a new one then whack you with this one."

"Don't worry I used a key." Was all he replied and I made a little note to myself to change the locks as soon as possible. "That only makes me worry more that you knew what kind of key to use." I stated bluntly as I snuggled my kitten against my chest while he purred softly. Ahh kittens are just so cute and it seems I have the attention span of a squirrel.

I felt arms resting on my head but ignored them," Eskimo-chan my head is not an armrest, it is a head where my memories, thoughts, and decisions are stored and planned out and right now they're telling me to punch you in the face." Izaya ignored me though and continued to lean over me putting more and more pressure on my head and making me feel rather uncomfortable. "Izaya would you please stop?" I asked sweetly as I pet the other kitten behind the ears before he hopped off the couch and started brushing against Izaya's legs. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him pick up the black cat as he examined it almost like he was some kind of secret weapon that could destroy the world with cuteness.

Well at least he finally got off of me… but alas the odds didn't seem to be in my favor this time since three seconds later Izaya plopped down on the couch and pulled me closer to him which only made my discomfort reach their limits. I was literally squirming, trying to get away from the crazy eskimo but my efforts were wasted because this bitch is actually very strong.

Which like sucked. A lot. Well it did for me at least.

"Get off of me Izaya or I'll get Shizu-chan." I said sternly as I pouted a little bit still struggling. "He's working."

"Fine then I'll call him at work and then tell him that you're at my house sexually harassing me."

"Ok, well if he attacks me then I'll make sure he goes to jail for a long time." Izaya shot back. "Alright then I'll go down to the station and tell them what really happened since I was a witness." I grinned in victory but my hopes were shot back down. "Then I'll cut off your leg." Izaya shrugged pulling out one of his blades. "Fine then I'll pay the bail."

"I'll take all your money."

"Alright Mr. Smug-ass then I'll just wait for him to get out of jail." I replied simply not taking my eyes off the screen since it was Episode 25 of Death note and even though L died it was my favorite one. Ever. "I'll make sure that he keeps going back or never gets out."

"Well then what the fuck am I supposed to do if he goes to jail?!" I asked frustrated. Izaya still held that grin on his face that really made me want to bitch slap him. "Marry me?" he asked slightly sarcastically and I was literally three seconds away from throwing him out of a window.

"Fuck no. Why would I even do that? Even if I were to do that to get him out the day of the wedding I'd just bail on you and move out of Ikebukuro."

"I'd track you down no matter where you went in Japan and kill Shizu-chan."

"Then I'd move back to America with Shizu-chan and since I know that place way better than you ever will you'd never track us down. Problem solved." I declared in victory- hopefully for real this time- as I continued to pet Ciel (my cat) who was still snuggled against my chest. "Alright then I'd send people I knew that live or lived in America at some point after you and bring you back to Japan."

"Then I'd use an alias, dye, and cut my hair and maybe even use contacts."

"What about Shizuo?"

"Same thing."

"Fine then Melo-chan, I'd make sure that you weren't even allowed to leave Japan in the first place." He retaliated and I swear his grin got even wider- if that was even possible. Before I could even come up with a response I heard another knock on my door and Shizuo's voice asking if he could come in. This could not have been better timing.

I felt Izaya shift next to me and I looked at him just in time to see that bitch eskimo run off somewhere in my apartment as I called to Shizuo that the door was open since you know Izaya practically broke in and didn't even bother to lock the door. Izaya really is a first class asshole.

"Hey Melody I need some help here." Shizuo said awkwardly as he flashed his hand, there was a pen stuck in it… well it appears Mikami has been here. "Oh my god Shizuo what happened?!" I exclaimed as I rushed into the bathroom and grabbed my first aid kit and a towel trying to move as quickly as possible so I could help out Shizuo.

"Well I was talking with Celty, then she stopped this random girl and some guy showed up and pissed me off. And clearly he stabbed a pen in my hand."

"Well why didn't you just go to Shinra or whatever his name was? Didn't you say something about him being like an underground doctor and what not?" I asked as I rummaged through the kit looking for the right things and gave a small smile when I found them. "He's working today, besides you were closer and I figured that you were at least smart enough to know how to fix this. I mean you definitely don't seem like a dumbass…"

"Geez thanks Shizu-chan." I rolled my eyes as I placed his hand over the towel and he gave a look saying "what are you doing?" but I ignored it and quickly- and painlessly- as I could yanked the pen out of his palm. I heard him grunt in pain and I mumbled a quick sorry before grabbing some of that evil shit called rubbing alcohol and a rag. "Fuck that hurts Melody." Shizuo grunted and I shrugged my shoulders as if to say "Well what did you expect?"

"Smells like shit in here." Shizuo stated bluntly after I had wrapped up his wound in gauze. "Wow thank you Shizu-chan." I replied sarcastically as he walked out the door and I gave a wave and small smile. He did the same before closing said door and leaving me once again "alone" in my apartment.

I shook my head as I walked into my room and glared at the closet somehow just knowing that "the flea" as Shizuo called him was in there. "Get the fuck out of my house Izaya."

"It's not a house- it's an apartment, and technically it isn't yours." He pointed out as he stepped out of the closet and flopped onto my bed.

"Get the fuck out of the apartment that I'm renting before I bitch slap you out of a window into oncoming traffic."

"Geez for someone who loves sweet things you sure are bitter."

"Didn't I like tell you to get out like 3 times now? What are you mentally retarded when it comes to opening a door?" I asked with more hatred than I intended as I pointed to the door which was visible from my room. He frowned but got off the bed and headed towards the door but made no attempt to open it.

I gave him the Levi death glare of all death glares before he _finally _opened the fucking door and _finally _left me alone. Thank Kira I was about to lose it and go apeshit on him, trust me that would not have ended well… for either of us.

I called for my kittens Sebastian and Ciel but noticed that they didn't come running into the room as they usually did so I sighed and got up to go find them. But after doing a quick search it dawned upon me that this little bastard had somehow stolen them when I wasn't looking.

"OH MY GOD IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-KKKKKKKKKKKKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN YOU ARE SO FREAKING DEAD YOU ASSHOLE!" I screamed.

* * *

_**~In Lau's drug den thingy with xxle-grellxx for unknown reasons~**_

_**Melody: *crumbles to the ground* my cats!**_

_**Izaya: I don't know what you're talking about**_

_**MEOW**_

_**Izaya: 0.0 Shizu-chan did it**_

_**Shizuo: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OL' BUDDY**_

_**Author-chan: Izaya I would just run now...**_

_**Izaya: don't tell me what to do**_

_**Author-chan: fine die for all I care**_

_**Celty: So Shinra... like... Shinra**_

_**Haruna: NJFNGFRVGMFSDV SDC SAIKA**_

_**Anri: my family is dead**_

_**Melody: So... Mikado buddy?**_

_**Mikado: y-yes Mi-miss Worstchester?**_

_**Melody: first off we aren't at school, so don't call me that. second tell your friend Kida to stop sexually harassing people**_

_**Kida: Hey did you come from Tennessee?**_

_**Melody: no don't**_

_**Kida: "cuz you're the only TEN I see!**_

_**Melody: So Masaomi Kida I heard you were Kira god of a new world**_

_**Light: grabs Death Note**_

_**Lawliet: LIGHT! BY DOING THIS ACTION DO YOU CONFIRM THAT YOU ARE INDEED KIRA?**_

_**Light: fuck off L**_

_**Author-chan: cake**_

_**Lawliet: cake? where?**_

_**Light: up your ass**_

_**Kida: so where did Izaya go**_

_**Shizuo: yeah I didn't get to kill him yet**_

_**Melody: sadly I think he got away**_

_**Everyone: aww**_

_**Fun Fact: Mikado has the same kind of phone as Misa... I kinda just... same keypad thingy and bsifdvj bfkfn herbaflagen**_


	9. Anger and teaching

_**So... Hi.**_

_**First off, MEOW**_

_**Secondly I like waffles**_

_**Anywhore you guys are so lucky I have prewritten like 5 chapters. Why? Well you see I haven't had much access to the computer lately- I haven't updated my main fanfiction in 4 days. That's a long time for me. And I'm working on a collab story. No I am not dead.**_

_**I promise**_

_**Anywhore I'm out of things to say so shut up and read Melo-chan pissed as fuuuucccckkkk**_

_**Cuz that's what she is**_

_**Disclaimer: Don't own Durarara! and never will**_

_**Fun Fact: Izaya didn't come up with Shizu-chan, he heard some girl call Shizuo that and well, you know the rest- I hope**_

* * *

"Kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill…" I muttered as I walked into Raira Academy with fumes practically erupting from me. I swear if I were in an anime I would have the steam coming from me like a titan, the vein thing, and the death glare plastered all over my face. That's how I felt anyway.

I was about ready to kill that Eskimo son of a bitch that had the audacity to run off with my precious babies. (That bitch stole my kittens and he is going to fucking die.) I was seriously thinking about running to some sport store after school and buying a baseball bat to kick his smarmy little ass with. _No one _takes my kittens. _No one _fucks with my shit. _No one _breaks into my house. He did all three of these things, therefore he must die now.

"Ok children why don't we start the lesson today so I can go home and kill someone named Izaya?" I asked with fake enthusiasm as the bell rang signaling that classes were starting for the day. I took roll and noticed that Mika and Seiji were still missing although I had heard from some kids that Seiji quit school although right now I was too focused on wanting to kill Izaya to even care.

The teenagers seemed to notice my fury this morning and decided not to mess with me which was productive for everyone and soon I found myself back in the pattern of happily teaching kids how to use new math equations that they would never actually use in life unless they became a math teacher. Like me.

And of course when it was lunch time I snapped out of my little trance and went back to plotting on all the ways I was going to murder Izaya with a baseball bat. That is until I decided I needed to ask someone if I actually should, I mean I know he stole my cats and broke into my house but what if I actually got arrested for doing the world a favor? Dude I was so focused on my hatred for that red eyed son of a gun that I didn't even care or notice that the children in my class were talking about gangs.

So I decided to log onto my chat room and pray to Kira himself that someone would be on today and for once my prayers were answered positively.

_-Uso has joined the chat room-_

_Uso: holy fuck is anywhore in here?_

_-Kanra has joined the chat room-_

_Kanra: Well I'M here but I can assure you that I'm no whore_

_Uso: Oh my Kira I am just so pissed off right now, I'm about ready to go Shizuo Heiwajima on that bitch-ass Eskimo Izaya Orihara I swear…_

_Uso: I mean seriously the guy is practically harassing me and then he fucking breaks into my house and steals my cats after further harassment!_

_Uso: who the fuck does that?!_

_Kanra: obviously he does_

_Kanra: So wait he broke into your house?_

_Uso: yeah that's what I said_

_Kanra: Then why not report him to the police_

_Uso: pfft are you shitting me?_

_Uso: Kanra listen up girl- I'm only going to say this once_

_Uso: I can't report him to the police because it wouldn't do me any good I just know that much, besides my door isn't broken so I have no proof because the creep went as far as to get a matching key so he could just unlock my door and waltz straight in. And for all I know he's watching over this chat room right now so no matter what I do I'm fucked_

_Kanra: so wouldn't you be in trouble if you tried to kill him_

_Uso: you don't get in trouble for doing the world a favor_

_-Setton joined the chat room-_

_Setton: hey guys_

_Uso: oh! Hey Setton!_

_Uso: I was just talking about how I wanted to beat the shit out of Izaya Orihara!_

_Kanra: she seems pretty mad, she's scaring me~_

_Setton: Why?_

_Uso: he broke into my house, stole my kittens away from me and keeps harassing me. Do I need a better reason to hate that Eskimo son of a bitch (-_-)_

_Setton: wow_

_Uso: oh crap… I got to go, break for work is over you know how that goes right? Haha~_

_-Uso has left the chat room-_

The rest of the day went by pretty smoothly and I sighed in relief as the bell finally rang signaling the end of the school day, but of course I still had much to do. God I hate my life sometimes. Of course before I could even leave the building I was reminded that I had to deal with the whole student representative council shit this week therefore extending the time spent for me not being allowed to kill Izaya. I swear the universe hates me.

Finally though, _finally _I was allowed to leave for the day so I could go and destroy the human being known as Izaya Orihara. I walked out of the building behind Mikado and Anri smiling as I say the cute little almost love between the two, honestly it was rather adorable. And it was hilarious when Mikado would get flustered about the littlest things like Kida yelling out the window about some chick.

And then I saw them- a girl that was clearly a complete bitch and a douche bag, oh how fun.

"TAKASHI THAT'S HIM, THAT'S THE LOSER, LOOK!" the tool girl screamed as she pointed at Mikado. Oh my god what a tool. I seriously had to fight off the urge to laugh at her and her dumb boyfriends hair style that strangely enough reminded me of a penis… for some reason.

I just stood perfectly still as I watched the little event unfold in front of me- I decided not to get involved unless it was completely necessary. "I'M TALKING TO YOU! DON'T IGNORE ME YOU PATHETIC RUNT!" she screamed at him.

"Um.. well uh.. just how do I know you?"

"I'm the one whose cellphone was smashed by your freaky friend so I had to go and buy a new one!" She replied pissed off as she flipped open her new phone like we actually cared about her life story. "Ma'am if you would please leave the campus and not harass my students that would be wonderful." I intervened trying to hold a sweet but strict tone, but of course I was ignored. Completely. Like a ghost.

"Ehh, sorry but I really have no idea what you're talking about…" but seconds after Mikado said this I saw his face go pale like he realized something. Geez who was this "freaky friend" they were talking about? They sound awesome for smashing cellphones, I salute them Attack on Titan style.

"This true? You friends with that puck-ass bitch who went and busted up my girls cellphone?"

"Well I don't think he and I are really friends."

"So then what is he? Your daddy? Your legal guardian?"

"Are those really your best guesses?" Mikado asked nervously. Ok this has to stop now. Before I could kick this douchebags ass though another foot connected with his face and I immediately realized that this was that Celty girl Shizuo told me about- or more commonly known as the "black rider".

"Oh my Kira thank you Celty." I thanked her as the blonde fell to the ground and grunted in pain as a certain eskimo started jumping on him. Oh this guy- well at least now I can easily kill him… but wow does he have problems.

"Are you exploiting my rule against hitting woman? What a clever girl you are. I would ask you out, however you're soooo not my type. NOW SCRAM!"

The girl ran off calling him an asshole to which he "cleverly" replied "have a nice day!" which caused me to frown and further my hatred for the man. "Fuck you Izaya, I'll kill you later." I waved as I walked off annoyed at the moment and lacking the proper equipment to even hurt the guy. You see I was rather useless without my baseball bat. Which like sucks. A lot.

More than you know.

"kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, ki-"

"Oh hey Melody." Shizuo said calmly as he waved and I smiled immediately at his presence feeling a lot less mad and murderous… for some reason unknown to me.

"Hey Shizu-chan! How was work today kicking scum bags asses?"

"You know I hate violence."

"I do? Shizuo, Shizuo, do I know anything?"

"Dumbass." He chuckled messing with my hair and earning a death glare. He retracted his hand a mumbled a quick sorry before noticing the scowl still present on my face and realizing that was seriously pissed off so he asked what was wrong. "Izaya." Was all I replied and I saw him frown. "What did that flea do this time?"

"Took my cats… that son of a bitch is so dead the second I get a baseball bat it's less funny than that kid Kida's lame ass jokes and pick up lines. Damn you Izaya the catnapper!" I laughed the last part and I heard Shizuo snicker a little bit before we both walked back home together since we were like neighbors and all and just talked about random shit all the way home.

And when I finally got home the second I stepped through the door my phone rang and it was none other than my twin brother Zach! Well I guess overall today wasn't too terrible…

Ehh whatever this shit's just too complicated for me to even label anymore.

* * *

_**~In le Izaya's apartment (IN FUCKING SHINJUKU I CANNOT STAND IT WHEN PEOPLE SAY HE LIVES IN IKEBUKURO, IT'S LIKE PEOPLE SAYING CIEL'S BIRTHDAY IS ON THE 14TH OF DECEMBER WHEN IT'S ON THE 12TH! STOP IT!) with the Durarara! cast for sushi and vending machine snacks~**_

_**Shizu-chan: why do I feel like she put in the vending machine part to make fun of me**_

_**Izaya: because she did**_

_**Melody: no asked you Izaya**_

_**Izaya: I asked myself**_

_**Author-chan: Yeah! and you're a NOBODY**_

_**Izaya: Excuse me, come again Author-chan~**_

_**Author-chan: You heard me, go right on a fucking head and stalk me I DON'TCARE**_

_**Izaya: How interesting**_

_**Kida: so um... **_

_**Melody: is this going to be some cheesy pickup line?**_

_**Kida: *hangs head* yes**_

_**Mikado: KIDA!**_

_**Anri: OOC!**_

_**Namie: YEAH!**_

_**Author-chan: Geez its like we're all on crack shit wait...**_

_**Lau: did someone mention drugs?**_

_**Melody: and here come the people from other animes -_-**_

_**Violet: Where the fuck have my adventures been?**_

_**Author-chan: I've been Durarara!ing all week so yeah... sorry and its a long ass chapter my gawd**_

_**Author-chan: and then I had to rewrite it because I hated it- basically I had an Alois attack again (bi-polar attack)**_

_**Claude: Where's my Violet**_

_**Crimson: dead in a hole**_

_**Violet: Geez someones dark today**_

_**Alois: I LIKE TRAINS**_

_**Ciel: WHO LET HIM ON YOUTUBE! HE SOUNDS LIKE A RETARDED NARWHALE**_

_**Author-chan: shit Ciel you said nar-**_

_**Alois: NARWHALES NARWHALES SWIMMIN' IN THE OCEAN, CAUSING A COMMOTION CAUSE THEY ARE SO AWESOME!**_

_**Sebastian: Well shit**_

_**Izaya: Hey~ don't ignore me!**_

_**Violet: I want to hug him, but I also want to slap him**_

_**Melody: pretty much, he took my cats**_

_**Izaya: I borrowed your cats**_

_**Melody: that sounds worse**_

_**Fun Fact: Apparently bone dust smells like cool ranch Doritos... yeah what the fudge nuggets**_

_**Claude: They do**_

_**Sebastian: Of course YOU'VE smelled bones**_

_**Claude: Fuck you Michaelis**_

_**Author-chan: Oh we're going by last names now?**_


	10. Brothers and Sunshine 60

_**Chunk the funk what is up my Durarara! brotheren? Dude season 2 though... its real**_

_**It's happening**_

_**Like Black butler season three (WHICH GOT PUSHED BACK TO JULY WHAT THE FUCK?!)**_

_**Anywhore...**_

_**Cats**_

_**Melo-chan: Izaya stole my cats**_

_**Shizuo: Did he now**_

_**Izaya: I don't know what you're talking about...**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!**_

_**Warning: I stopped putting warnings because this is my story**_

_**Fun Fact: Eating cocaine can lead to severe bowel gangrene. Though, fortunately, most people wouldn't be stupid enough to do so.**_

_**Why there is a drug fact here I do not know**_

* * *

"Oh my Kira Zach-kun! How are you doing, what's up?" I asked my brother over the phone with excitement rather obvious in my voice. You see unlike most siblings Zach and I were always close and rarely got into fights. Yeah we were like Hikaru and Kaoru, deal with it. "Haha, hey Melody-san how's Japan?"

"Oh my Kira Zach it is just so complicated. You might not believe me but I met someone who almost killed me by throwing a street sign at me, ha and now we're friends. And then there's this other guy who's a complete prick and a troll and recently became a catnapper. He stole my babies!"

"Glad to hear you're settling in alright. Anyway as you know I started that modeling company and I'm glad to say that we're pretty much blowing up right now."

"Oh! Congrats bro I always knew you'd be able to pull that shit off… so what's up, besides well lots of things that I'm not going to list right now?"

"Well- and please don't fangirl over this, I kind of need my eardrums to be working right now- Melody-san I'm coming to Japan tomorrow!" Zach cheered into the phone which caused me to squeal in delight at his good news. "Yay Zach-kun! So give me the deets, where do I need to pick you up or meet you, do you need to stay with me, why are you coming, and why on gods no longer green Earth didn't you tell me sooner?"

"To answer all your questions little sis, You can just meet me on Sunshine 60 I heard that's a great place to meet up, sure if I'm not a burden I'd love to stay at your place- as long as it isn't a box, I'll tell you why I'm in Japan when I get there and I told you just now to surprise you."

"Yeah but you asshole my apartment is a complete mess!"

Zach and I continued talking for a while before we finally said our goodbyes since he had to go pack which told me that this trip was planned last minute, either that or big brother (by like 5 minutes) was procrastinating _again_. He seemed to have a real bad habit of that.

_-Uso has joined the chat room-_

_Uso: OGNJF BGJFDV DJKV SQUUEEEEEE I'M SOOO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!_

_Kanra: Why? Weren't you like apeshit mad earlier about Izaya or something?_

_Taro Tanaka: What's up Uso?_

_Uso: Ohmygod ohmygod my brother Zach's coming to Japan to visit tomorrow and his modeling company has recently blown up so why shouldn't I be happy?!_

_Uso: Also thanks Kanra for reminding me to kill Izaya_

_Kanra: any time girl~_

_Kanra: so did you guys hear the latest on the disappearances? I heard it was because of human trafficking with that Yagari place_

_Uso: and here we go with Kanra and her weird crap again *sigh*_

_Taro Tanaka: Yagari Pharmaceuticals? _

_Kanra: Yeah apparently they're going bankrupt and are the cause of these disappearances_

_Uso: only Kanra would know this_

_Uso: I swear you're like some information broker or something_

_Kanra: nope~ I just have a very reliable source_

_Taro Tanaka: who is…?_

_Kanra: a human being like everyone else in Japan and on the planet_

_Uso: figures… _

_Uso: I doubt Kanra would tell us if we paid her_

_Kanra: yep! My lips are sealed_

_Kanra: so Uso tell us more about your brother… is he hawt?_

_Uso: Gurl, gurl, gurl we are related so umm I can't really say anything there. Besides hands off he isn't interested._

_Kanra: so he's fabulous_

_Uso: No, he just isn't looking for a relationship… but I guess he isn't too bad looking_

_Taro Tanaka: so he owns a modeling company?_

_Taro Tanaka: that sounds cool, Uso are you working for him_

_Uso: heavens no, like I'm even pretty enough to be a model_

_Taro Tanaka: But Uso it's not like your unattractive or anything, I bet you could pull it off…_

_Taro Tanaka: I mean! Uhh haha…_

_Uso: No, no it's fine Taro I know what you mean_

_Kanra: so you guys have met and I haven't met either of you? How unfair~_

_Uso: haha whatever Kanra, funny thing is that we didn't even know who we were at first, it was just something I said and then Taro remembered that I was there_

_Kanra: aww Taro and Uso sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G_

_Uso: that's it I'm leaving Kanra HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA_

_-Uso has left the chat room-_

* * *

~TIME SKIP BROUGHT TO YOU BY GRAPE WATER. IT TASTES LIKE SHIT BUT HAS DUBSTEB IN THE COMMERCIAL SO YOU'LL BUY IT ANYWAYS. THAT'S RIGHT YALL I JUST WENT ALL SMOSH ON YOUR ASSES~

"Zach-kun!" I cheered as I hugged my brown haired brother furiously like we hadn't seen each other in 9,001 years. He laughed and returned the favor by giving me a bone crushing hug like usual. I guess you could say nothing has changed. "So Zach-chan why did you come to Japan?" I asked curiously as I looked up at my brother with curiosity showing in my blue eyes.

"Well to go scouting of course for pretty girls, why else? And right now I think I see a really pretty one right in front of me." He laughed and smiled which caused me to do the same back. And then his words hit me like a baseball to the face (which I can promise does not feel good, trust me I know.).

"Haha, you're funny Zach-kun, for a second there I thought you said I was pretty enough to be a model."

"Well we are twins after all and since you look like something as handsome as I do I'm sure you're model material." He joked and I started roaring with laughter ignoring the weird stares I got from others around me. Zach-kun really hasn't changed one bit.

As I was trying to catch my breath from my sudden outburst I noticed a very familiar blonde and waved him over. "SHIZU-CHAN!" I yelled practically glomping the poor bartender. "Zach-kun meet my friend that I told you about! The one who throws street signs and is super cool!" I exclaimed as I pointed at Shizuo who just looked at my brother in confusion. "Oh yeah Shizu-chan this is my twin brother Zach! He started a modeling company recently and it's just blowing up everywhere!"

After they exchanged a proper greeting and tried to ignore my excited yelling they finally had enough of it and in some unspoken agreement they placed their hands over my mouth a pushed me over to a park so we could talk like _civilized _human beings instead of doing what I was. Which was being a complete fangirl everywhere.

"God I hope we don't run into Izaya-tan right now…" I muttered praying to Kira that we didn't. I really didn't want Zach to think that Shizuo was some crazy monster like the rest of Ikebukuro spare some awesome individuals that I didn't know very well. My brother gave me a curious look so I decided it was probably best if I told him now. Then we could both be pissed at Izaya and kick his smarmy little ass together.

"Who's Izaya-tan?"

"Oh yeah remember that catnapper guy I mentioned? Yeah that's him Izaya Orihara… of course he really seems to piss Shizu-chan off… like a lot. To the point where if he seems Trollzaya he will throw a vending machine at that eskimo… actually funny enough Shizu-chan threw a stop sign at me because I was wearing an identical jacket to his with my hood up so he thought I was that flea…" I trailed off trying not to laugh. "I'll be honest Melody, your friends sound really weird."

"Izaya's **not **my friend." I said as I sent a glare towards my brother who gave me a smile full of fake innocence. Faker than a Barbie's smile. "Yes~ Melo-chan's right, I'm not her friend-I'm her boyfriend." Izaya appeared out of thin air a she wrapped a hand around my shoulders making me glare and pray to Kira that Shizuo heard his voice or would turn around in a second.

"You have 5 seconds to take your arms off of me before I break them off." I hissed as I sent a death glare in his direction. "Boyfriend?" Zach asked with a scowl on his face that meant he didn't like Izaya. That's a good thing; I hope it stays that way. I really do. Shizuo finally turned around and immediately his face darkened as he spotted Izaya the bitch whore and I could just tell this wasn't going to be pretty.

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! STAY OUT OF IKEBUKURO!" he screamed and I just pulled my confused brother out of the way and mumbled a quick "here we go again…" as Shizuo picked up a trash bin and threw it at Izaya.

* * *

_**Izaya: I know something interesting~**_

_**Author-chan: No spoilers you useless trollop**_

_**~In The basement with xxle-grellxx and her friends from Durarara! that aren't actually real *cries*~**_

_**Melo-chan: ZACH-KUN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BRO!**_

_**Zach: If ANYONE touches my sister there will be hell to pay *glares at Izaya***_

_**Izaya: *backs the fuck up so he doesn't get smacked the fuck up***_

_**Shizuo: That's better**_

_**Author-chan: Much**_

_**Izaya: Author-chan~ I thought you loved me**_

_**Author-chan: Shizu-chan's my fave**_

_**Violet: OI AUTHOR WHAT GIVES?! WHERES MY NEW CHATPER?!**_

_**Author-chan: IT IS BEING WRITTEN MY GOD I HAVE STARTED LIKE A NEW STORY FOR OHSHC SO SHUT UP I'M BUSY WORKING ON OTHER STUFF, IT SHALL BE POSTED TOMORROW**_

_**Violet: Yay :3**_

_**Claude: Violet~**_

_**Violet: Halp me Izaya**_

_**Izaya: No**_

_**Melo-chan: *grabs baseball bat* Save her from the rapist Izaya-kun**_

_**Shizuo: I will *Grabs magical pony flying through the sky on a magical conquest for you and I***_

_**Everyone: 0.0**_

_**Shinra: Can I dissect that?**_

_**Melody and author-chan: can we call you Stein?**_

_**Celty: Why do I feel like Author-chan knows where my head is?**_

_**Author-chan: because I do and soon Melo-chan will too**_

_**Celty: I want my head**_

_**Izaya; NYET NO HEAD FOR YOU**_

_**Simon: EAT AT RUSSIA SUSHI, IT GOOD, YOU LIKE **_

_**Izaya: fatty tuna!**_

_**Melody: I ate all the fatty tuna**_

_**Izaya: nooooo *cries***_

_**Fun Fact: There is no 5 second rule**_

_**Everything we know is a lie**_


	11. Filler chapters, Fights, and Karaoke

_**Welcome back I died again**_

_**Me miss the reviews**_

_**I'm sure you're sick of this... just dead author-chans everywhere on the floor**_

_**Sebastian hates cleaning those up**_

_**Look you've pissed Sebastian off**_

_**You're all dead now, but hey at least Undertaker can make you beautiful right?**_

_**NOT HAHAHA gawd I'm an asshole**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara! season one or two which is coming soon INHDFRIUGFNFGBN SWEUITYRNMG BCINVSD SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *fangasms***_

_**Sorry about that... I just... **_

_**Ah the life of a fangirl**_

_**Fun Fact: Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. **_

_**Finally self harm is productive**_

_**Ciel: I don't really think that's a good thing...**_

* * *

"Melody what's going on?" Zach questioned with deep concern in his voice as he tried to pry his eyes away from the battle going on between the eskimo and bartender. "Well you see Zach those two are bad at releasing sexual tensions so instead of having intercourse- like all the fangirls (me) want- they fight and destroy the city." I explained quickly as I tried to move past my brother but he sensed what I was doing and quickly blocked my path. "No I mean _why?_"

"I don't fucking know. All I know is that Shizuo hates Izaya and vice versa for some mystical reason beyond my comprehension."

"Wow that must be some damn mysterious reason if you can't even figure it out… And don't you dare think that I'm going to let you go in there and break it up."

"Aww buuuutttttt Zach we can have fun the sooner eskimo-tan leaves." I whined as I jumped up and down like a little child. He gave me a stern look that clearly said no but I just ignored it and pushed past him, brushing his hand off when he tried to stop me. No, not now I'm breaking up this little bitch fight between 2 five year olds Zach- call back later.

"IIIIIIIIZZZAAAAAYYYYAAAAA, SSSSSSHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOO…." I growled as I approached them quickly but alas I was ignored, well at least that's what I thought before I realized that the crowd had parted as if they knew that I could magically stop their little battle. I walked up behind Shizuo first, tapped his shoulder and when he turned around with the death look on his face I took that as an opportunity to punch him square in the face. Well if he wasn't mad a second ago he sure was bloody pissed now…

Bloody

Fucking

Pissed

But I just ignored his rage and dark aura sent in my direction as I calmly walked over to Izaya who seemed to be in a state of shock almost as if he couldn't believe what I had just done and gave him the same treatment as Shizuo… except I kinda… kicked him where it hurt. Hard.

"What you get for taking my cats bitch." I shrugged while Izya writhed on the ground in pain as I skipped away like a school girl with a more than pissed Shizuo following behind me. "See Zach-kun! I told you I'd fix it!" I cheered as I clapped Alois style. "Yea- yeah Mel-Melody bu but you pi-pissed off off Shizuo in the process…" he stuttered as he pointed a shaky finger at the pissed off blonde behind me.

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING MELODY?! I COULD'VE KILLED YOU IN MY RAGE SINCE YOU DID THAT?! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING DUMBASS?!" he roared and I calmly put a finger on his lips which signaled him to shut the hell up and even said "ssshhhh," in a soothing tone. "Shizuo, calm down. I completely understand why you were pissed off, as you said I could've been killed for my stupid action of harming you while you weren't in control of your body but in all fairness I did that because I wanted you to stop your little quarrel with Izaya and spend the day with my brother and I." I apologized and bowed a little to show that I was truly sorry. Except for the fact that I kind of wasn't… haha. Haha…

"Melody you really are a dumbass you know that." Shizuo muttered as he calmed down and jammed a cigarette in his mouth. "Am I a pretty dumbass~?" I teased with an Izaya grin spread across my face. "Well I think you're one of the most beautiful dumbasses I have ever come across Melody!" Zach cheered as he attempted to ruffle my hair but I quickly realized his intentions and blocked his hands.

What is it with guys and my hair? I mean seriously this is just getting out of hand.

"So what the hell are we going to do?" I asked as I looked around realizing there was actually quite a bit of crap that could be done. "We could watch Kasuka's new movie?"

"We could do karaoke? Zach suggested and we both gave each other "the look" which meant we were totally on the same page. "Hmm~ Shizu-chan I have an idea! Why don't we watch Kasuka's movie and then do karaoke? I mean I heard Yuhei was a pretty good actor and I have been waiting to see one of his movies so I think that works out well…"

"Who's Kasuka? I've heard the name Yuhei as in Yuhei Hanejima, but Kasuka- you've stumped me there."

"Oh yeah Zach-kun you see Yuhei's name is actually Kasuka Heiwajima and he's Shizuo's little brother." I quickly explained as I dragged both of the men over to a nearby movie theater and bought three tickets and a crap ton of popcorn.

* * *

~LET'S GO INTO THE FUTURE SAID LIGHT YAGAMI WHO HAD HIS DEATH NOTE OUT SO AUTHOR-CHAN COMPLIED AND THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE NOW AND SHE DIDN'T CALL HIM IMAGAY~

"Fuck it's bright out here…" I complained as we finally left the theater to go do some awesome karaoke like we had planned out earlier. I must say Kasuka is an amazing actor. It's like- he's like

Words can't describe it.

Finally we found a good place for karaoke because Zach and I are picky bitches and immediately picked a table seeing as this was a karaoke bar, which are like the best things in existence. Of course part of that could just be based off the fact that I love music but well…

"Ok Melody-san I picked the song last time so it's only fair if you get to choose this time." Zach said and I quickly nodded and thought up a good song real fast and whispered it in his ear all secret like which caused a smile from him. I mean it was dark as fuck in there but I could just feel his smile. "That is the perfect song to sing today Melody-san." Zach agreed and we both got a weird look from Shizuo before I just shook my head and laughed a little bit.

We quickly walked up to the stage when it was our turn and grinned when the music came on. My grin grew even more when I swear I saw a certain eskimo near the door staring directly at me. Oh how much fun this is going to be.

"You look better when I'm drunk  
You look better,  
You look better when I'm drunk  
You look better  
It's the right night  
To make the wrong moves gotta  
Bad case and nothing to lose  
When the  
Lights out we have an excuse,  
Is this romance  
Or is it the juice?  
I might be crazy but I think  
Tonight has only begun (gun, gun)  
You're not my normal type  
But we can make an exception (on, on)  
A little less thinkin' and a lot more drikin  
That'll work for me tonight (oh, oh)  
When the room starts spinnin'  
And we start sinnin'  
I begin to realize  
You look better when I'm drunk  
You look better when I'm drunk  
You look better when I'm drunk  
You look better when I'm drunk  
You look better when I'm drunk  
You look better... drunk,  
You look better... drunk,  
You look better when I'm  
Drunk-drunk-drunk-drunk  
It's a-bout time I learn my lesson but this  
Lesson is under my skin it's a  
New night a new location so I  
Wait for the buzz to kick in  
I might be crazy but I think  
Tonight has already done (done, done)  
You're not my normal type  
But we can make an exception (on, on)  
A little less thinkin' and a lot more drikin  
That'll work for me tonight (oh, oh)  
When the room starts spinnin'  
And we start sinnin'  
I begin to realize  
You look better when I'm drunk  
You look better when I'm drunk  
You look better when I'm drunk  
You look better when I'm drunk  
You look better when I'm drunk  
You look better... drunk,  
You look better... drunk,  
You look better when I'm  
Drunk-drunk-drunk-drunk  
Hey DJ spin the soundtrack  
To bad decisions  
And these drinks, make me,  
Lose my self-control  
Hey DJ spin the soundtrack  
To bad decisions  
And these drinks, make me,  
Lose my self-control  
(That's why)  
You look better when I'm drunk  
You look better when I'm drunk  
You look better when I'm drunk  
You look better when I'm drunk  
You look better when I'm drunk  
You look better... drunk,  
You look better... drunk,  
You look better when I'm  
Drunk-drunk-drunk-drunk."

We finished the song in unison and both gave a small smile towards each other before the small bar echoed with claps and cheers from obviously pleased people. I could see Shizuo almost in a state of shock as if he couldn't believe that I even knew that song- let alone by heart- and I even swore I saw Izaya's eyes widen a little bit. Of course the moment I realized he actually was here I grew a little annoyed but tried to not let it bug me too much.

"Whelp that was fun."

"Very." I agreed as I sat back down to Shizuo and chugged down an entire coke. "Ok so Shizuo you want to do a song?" I asked hopefully but he quickly shook his head which caused me to giggle a little bit. "Melody I didn't know you could sing." Shizuo said in disbelief but before I could even reply Zach did for me.

"Well her name is Melody after all and she is my darling little sister. If she couldn't do that much then what kind of woman would she be?"

"Not one hell of one I can tell you that!" Erika said happily as she popped out from nowhere with Walker following close behind. They both quickly started bombarding my brother and I with compliments on how good we were at singing while Shizuo just kinda sat there off in his own little world.

* * *

_**I'm sorry I just love that song**_

_**More than cake**_

_**More than Izaya- erm Shizuo**_

_**More than Lawliet**_

_**More than Durarara!**_

_**More than demons**_

_**Basically that song is amazing and you all know it**_

_**~NEWS~ **_

_**Uhh...**_

_**I got nothing**_

_**'Cept Collab fic and OHSHC fic are out now so meow**_

_**~In the cave of awesome with Raira students (and teachers), informants, body guards, legends, doctors, debt collecters, fan girls, insane people, and Xxle-grellxX~**_

_**Author-chan: So I'm listening to the Attack on Titan opening while I'm writing this**_

_**Melody: Oh my Kira what if you wrote an AOT fic?**_

_**Author-chan: It'd probably go a little something like: **_

"CADET MIKA GET YOUR ASS IN HERE NOW!" I heard a certain short corporal scream and I rolled my eyes. I had no idea what I did wrong this time and quite honestly I did not care. I quietly made my way into his office and half-listened to his rant about Titans know what trying not to look too entirely bored. I jumped a little bit when Levi's fist hit the table. "I said, will you ever do that again Mika?!" he screamed and I realized that I needed to reply but words would not leave my mouth. I slowly nodded refusing eye contact.

"But you will won't you? I bet you weren't even listening to me, were you cadet? Stable duty for 3 weeks."

Oh that's just not right. "Fuck your stable duty." I hissed quietly feeling a little proud of myself for taking a stand against a feared corporal who could kill 5 titans while he was asleep. "Excuse me?"

"I said Fuck. Your. Stable. Duty." I repeated slowly as I got in his face ignoring the dark aura seeping from him that was sent my way. He growled and it was then I realized my mistake. I let out a small yelp as I quickly ran out of the room, shutting the door behind me to slow him down and dashed through the halls trying to find a place to hide. _'Shit, shit, shit Levi is going to kill me!'_ I internally panicked as I ran. "CADET MIKA GET YOUR FUCKING ASS BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!" I heard Levi roar not too far away from me so I quickly opened a random convenient door and closed it behind myself quickly and quietly.

"Mika, what the hell are you doing in here?" I heard Eren say a bit too loudly and I immediately put a finger on my lips as if to say "Shut up!" he nodded understanding as I furiously looked for a place to hide. "What did you do Mika?" he whispered but before I could write it out or tell him Levi answered for me. "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU MIKA, GET THE FUCK BACK HERE NOW!"

"Oh." he replied with a blank face and I shrugged as if to say "Well what did you expect?" I panicked when I realized that this room was the enemy for people hiding from Levi since there was not a single place I wouldn't be noticed if he barged in. Well shit. "Hey Mika you need a hand hiding?" Eren asked and then I remembered that he knew this place way better than I did. He might actually be able to help me out. I nodded and he pointed to a painting.

"It's hollow behind that painting, I'll take it down and you can get in, then I'll put it back, alright?"

"Thank you so fucking much you are the best Eren I swear if I live past Levi's wrath I am so hugging you!" I thanked him as I jumped up and down waiting for my new hiding spot to be available. And luckily Eren was right, there was a hollow space back here. How he knew this I will not question. It does not matter. I jumped a little bit when I heard the door burst open, first thinking it was Levi but quickly realizing it was my titan obsessed friend- Hanji. Thank the titan gods themselves it's just her.

"Hey Eren have you seen Mika anywhere?"

"No, I haven't seen her Hanji-san."

"Well if you do tell her to be careful around shorty, he seems pretty pissed at her for something, hey Mika what did you do?"

"How th-"

"How the fuck did you know I was here Hanji?" I asked astounded. "I saw you run in here." she replied and I could imagine her shrugging. "Mika and Levi would make such a great couple, I'm sure they'd have so many mini Levi's running around "Tch"ing and causing chaos at night." Hanji laughed. "Ok two things Hanji-san..." I began feeling awkward.

"First off I think Levi would rip my head off if he could, and second mini Levi's? Can they even get any smaller?"

"She's right, can they?" Eren agreed reluctantly after a second like he was afraid Levi would magically appear and try to kill us all. Honestly I was rather shocked that he didn't. I flinched when the door slammed open yet again and of course this time it was none other than our favorite: Corporal Shorty. Or cadet short, nope I'd get shot if I said that.

"I know you're in here Mika..."

Shit.

He knows

I'm screwed

"Levi Heichou?"

"Jeager, where's Cadet Mika?"

"I don't know where sir." Eren replied in a respectful tone almost as if he was on cue which really was not helping my cause. I don't know why but it just wasn't. "Bullshit."

I heard loud footsteps echoing throughout the room and I prayed that he'd find nothing and leave so I could live to see another hilarious titan's face. But it seems like lately fate seems to hate me since I heard him bark a "GET OUT" to Eren and Hanji while he continued his search. Whelp I'm screwed now, no one to distract Levi. I hope they have a nice funeral for me at least. I calmed down a little bit though when I realized that the odds of him actually taking this painting off a wall were very low- and not just because he was short. As long as I don't make any noi-

"ACHOO!" I sneezed and then froze. I hoped that somehow this was just some nightmare and I'd wake up any second back in the old little house I slept in, but this was reality. "Found you."

"No leave me alone Cadet Shorty!" I screeched as he threw the painting off the wall. Shit I just keep making it worse for myself don't I? "Cadet... Shorty...? MIKA!"

"Holy shit!" I screamed as I somehow managed to run past Levi and out of the room. "CADET GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE NOW!"

Here we go again...

**_Author-chan: Holy shit I just wrote a story... within a story... the fuck?_**

_**Izaya: I think that scarred all of us for life**_

_**Erika: Aww you could've kept going with Levi catching her and then they **** and ******_

_**Walker: O-kay that's enough of that**_

_**Fun Fact: An ostrich's eye is bigger that it's brain**_

**_Shizuo: Why do you even know these things?_**

**_Author-chan: Because pancakes_**

**_Melody: And demons_**

**_Violet: And cake_**

**_Lawliet: CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE CAKE_**

**_Light: Shit turn off the L alarm I still need 5 minutes of beauty sleep_**

**_Violet: 5 centuries couldn't fix that *points at Light's (not) smexy face*_**

**_Mello: burrrnnnnn_**


	12. High IQs and a missing Melody

_**Ok so something big that cannot wait til the news section**_

_**PLEASE READ THIS**_

_**the rating of this story may change so people who don't follow or don't have accounts (ghost reader assholes (in a somewhat nice way))listen up**_

_**You may have to go to the mature section soon. Why? well someone (NOT SAYING WHO) said they wanted a lemon**_

_**With Izaya and Melody**_

_**And it was rape**_

_**So being the sick twisted fuck I am I couldn't resist**_

_**So that's coming in the near future how fun for you**_

_**It'll also be my first lemon :D**_

_**And it will most likely suck more than 9,001 hookers**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara! and never will because Life loves watching me suffer, yes Cereal loves watching my pain**_

_**Haha I think I'm so funny**_

_**Fun Fact: Levi Ackerman is 34**_

_**0.0**_

* * *

"Earth to Shizuo-chan!" I said as I waved a hand in front of his face snapping him out of his little trance since Erika and Walker had finally left. I swear those two are going to be the death of me- they didn't leave us alone until I promised to read like 20 different manga series and like watch 15 animes. They seem to forget that I actually have a life and shit to do.

"So~ Melody that Izaya guy… what an odd fellow. I must admit he reminds me a lot of you." Zach chuckled knowing that would somehow piss me off. "Oh~? And why are you reminded of me when you see that flea can I ask brother~?" I sang at him with a look on my face that said "bitch you are so dead it's not even funny."

"Well he is a lot like you Melody."

"What the hell are you talking about? Melody is _nothing _like Izaya." Shizuo retorted as he looked at Zach with confusion very clear and easy to read on his face. "Uh actually I'm a lot like Izaya Haha…" I chuckled nervously twirling my hair around my fingers.

"How are you anything like that flea?"

"Well umm I like watching humans, I like trolling people, I'm clever, I can do some serious damage, and I'm good with psychology… I guess the only real difference between us is the fact that while I like watching humans I don't want to watch them suffer or any of that shit. And I don't break into people's homes and become the cursed catnapper."

"And how do you know all this about that flea?"

"I'm go-" but I never got to finish my sentence since my brother Zach decided to pipe in about that time so he swiftly covered my mouth with one hand ignoring the vicious bites I sent his way. "Melody's great with psychology, you see believe it or not she has one of the highest IQ's ever recorded, but math or that crap isn't her strong spot- humans are. She can easily figure out any person just by looking at them, the phrase "don't judge a book by its cover" doesn't apply to her."

"And here we go again with Zach never shutting up about the _one _thing I didn't want a shit ton of people knowing." I muttered as he finally uncovered my mouth and wiped his now bloody hand on his black jeans. "Why don't you want anyone to know about that Melody?"

"Because Shizu-chan people treat me differently when I do, they don't treat me like a normal human being. Besides it's really annoying in general- kind of like your strength. You don't like it even though it makes you bad ass and I don't like this even though it really helps me out and is very useful."

"Anyways Melody it seems I have just gotten an urgent message so I'll trust Shizuo to walk you back home but I swear if I get there and I see something like the dance with no pants I will not hesitate to chop your nads off Shizuo."

"Zach you are by far the weirdest brother anyone could ever have." I laughed as I gave him a goodbye hug and he chuckled a little bit and hugged me back.

Yeah… my family is weird. I know.

* * *

~WELL IT SEEMS AUTHOR-CHAN DIDN'T WANT THIS TO BE ONE OF THOSE DIALOUG CHAPTERS BECAUSE BLAH BLAH BLAH YOU AREN'T READING THIS ANYWAYS TIME FOR THE SKIP INTO THE FUTURE FOR NO REASON~

"Bye Shizuo!" I waved as he walked back to the elevator to go to work or whatever the hell it is that he does on Saturdays, to be honest I don't care and probably shouldn't. It is not my business what that guy does every day because you see I'm not some crazy stalker bitch.

My smile stuck to my face as I unlocked the door to my apartment and threw the shit- excuse me- stuff Erika and Walker had given to me earlier to read/ watch/ put around my house. Basically they had given me manga, figurines, plushies, cosplay, and CDs that they claimed not to want any more or something like that. Not like I was complaining though…

I hummed "Over and Over" by Three Days Grace quietly while I quickly kicked off my torn, bleached black jeans and took off my black half shirt that had "American Idiot" in silver slapped across the chest and changed into a Pokémon shirt and matching underwear getting ready to take a nap before I went out baseball bat shopping and played myself a little hunting game.

Izaya is a dead man.

Right as I drifted off to sleep though I heard a cute little meow from my kittens and called them over to my room and then I realized something.

My cats hadn't been home since Izaya took them. My eyes shot open real fast only to be met with sepia ones.

Well fucking shit.

* * *

~YAY TIME SKIP AND POV CHANGE WHEW HOW MUCH FUN FOR READER-CHAN WHO ISN'T READING THIS BECAUSE THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT AUTHOR-CHAN HAS TO SAY AND THEY JUST WANT ME TO GET ON WITH THE STORY~

_~Zach's POV how exciting~_

Finally I was done with work for today. I couldn't believe they called me- clearly I was on a vacation and I told them that. I also told them not to call me today. What a bunch of incompetent idiots. I haven't gotten to see my sister in 3 damn years and when I finally can work gets in the way! UNBELIEVABLE!

After that I went back to walking around Ikebukuro when I realized Melody had never told me where she lived so I quickly shot her a text asking for her address and she almost immediately replied back which made me sigh in relief. Thank God- or Kira as she put it- she wasn't napping. That would have been a disaster, and I could always ask Shizuo buuuuttttttt…

No

I got there pretty quickly noticing that it wasn't very far of a walk and was surprised when I noticed that her door was locked. And even better when I knocked no one answered. I texted her that I was home but this time there was no reply.

After waiting there for well over an hour I finally saw that blonde guy, what was his name? Ah! Shizuo, yes I saw Shizuo walking over in this direction so I started running over to him. "Shizuo! Have you seen Melody anywhere? She isn't answering her phone and the door is locked, and I know she isn't napping because I yelled into there over 5 times and I can promise you that girl is not a heavy sleeper."

"No I haven't seen her anywhere; I just took her home and left to go back to work. So she's not answering her phone or anything?" Shizuo asked as he arched an eyebrow. I shook my head and Shizuo sighed. "Look I do have a spare key to her place- don't ask- hopefully she's just sleeping, I mean the girl does work as a teacher after all. I don't know how she deals with those kids all day…"

"Dude thank you, I don't think you realize how grateful I am for this." I thanked him and he grunted in response which I took positively as he got out a key and unlocked the apartment. The first thing I noticed when I stepped in was that it was dead quiet in there. Which happened never, even if Melody really was sleeping you'd hear something- I mean this girl talks in her sleep, sleep walks, and constantly falls out of bed.

Yeah… she has problems sleeping. Oh did I mention she was an insomniac?

"Smells like shit." Shizuo muttered but I just ignored him and walked over to what I assumed to be Melody's room. I noticed the door was slightly cracked but when I looked inside all I saw was an empty room with her cellphone on her nightstand.

And I noticed a nice little broken window. _Fantastic my little sister has been kidnapped_.

* * *

_**Oh shit Zach is pissed**_

_**Dude if he finds out who took his little sister... dude**_

_**Zach is as twisted as I am, Zach is based off the protective side of me and I'm that friend where if you hit one of my hoes there will be hell to pay**_

_**Yeah I'm that girl**_

_**Frightning**_

_**~News~ **_

_**Why Did I ever Step foot outside the woods? Boom updated just before this story**_

_**Collab story- as I'm saying everywhere- has been put on hold, Sobstory is having issues at the moment**_

_**Why does this always happen to me? updated yesterday**_

_**I like trains**_

_**Zach is about to kill someone**_

_**As I said above rating of story may change**_

_**~In Russia Sushi with all of Melody's "friends" in Ikebukuro~**_

_**Izaya: I like humans and fatty tuna and chess and being god and my parkour skills and my jacket and pissing Shizu-chan off and Melody and you didn't see that last one or I'll kill all of you**_

_**Melody: Whelp I'm officially screwed in more ways than one**_

_**Shizuo: kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill**_

_**Kasuka: Is he-?**_

_**Tom: Yep**_

_**Kasuka: Why?**_

_**Tom: His crush- EXCUSE ME- friend Melody is missing**_

_**Kasuka: Ah**_

_**Author-chan: Haha I just seem to love the whole kidnapping thing**_

_**Violet: Maybe a bit too much *glares***_

_**Luna: She also seems to have a thing for rape, next thing you know I'll be just as fucked as Ciel's female clone and Miku over here**_

_**Miku: Umm I'm over here *points to herself while in the corner***_

_**Everyone: Awkward...**_

_**Haruka: I like fish :3**_

_**Makato: Too much**_

_**Yuno: NO ONE TOUCH MY YUKI**_

_**Author-chan: Guys, guys go back to your own fucking animes please so we can ju- NO L PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON AND YOU TOO GRAY DON'T THINK I CAN'T SEE YOU**_

_**Gray and L: NO**_

_**Light: The fuck?**_

_**Melody: I... don't know. Honestly I'd love to see Izaya try to solve this on his chess board of awesomeness that I totally didn't fuck up**_

_**Izaya: bitch**_

_**Shizuo: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!**_

_**Erika: What's got him so pissed?**_

_**Walker: Who knows**_

_**Mikado: I like dollars**_

_**Anri: I'm saika but we aren't that far in the plotline yet because Author-chan won't hurry her ass up and stop making filler chapters**_

_**Kida: Hey Author-chan**_

_**Author-chan: Is it a pickup line? If it is just get the hell out**_

_**Simon: EAT AT RUSSIA SUSHI DA**_

_**Izaya, Melody, Shizuo, and Author-chan: WE'RE ALREADY HERE!**_

_**Zach: Where did my little sister go?**_

_**Izaya: On a magical journey flying through the sky on a magical conquest for you and I**_

_**Author-chan: Hey don't steal my shit**_

_**Izaya: I already did**_

_**Author-chan: *cries* Shizuo**_

_**Shizuo: get the hell off me**_

_**Author-chan: no!**_

_**Fun Fact: The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo**_

_**Izaya: But Shizu-chan is still alive**_

_**Violet: And you're comparing Shizuo to an elephant why?**_

_**Izaya: he calls me a flea**_

_**Melody: In all fairness Izaya you're a lot like a parasite and pretty much steal the lives of others**_

_**Violet: Gotta agree there**_

_**Author-chan: Doesn't everybody?**_

_**Shizuo: Name someone who can't**_

_**Bye~ See yall next time with no reviews which causes me to cry in the corner**_

_***goes into emo corner and grows mushrooms with emo hair and levi stares***_


	13. Abduction and Pocky

**_Hola my pretty little readers_**

**_So um_**

**_I'm not at my house at the moment_**

**_Currently there is a model yelling at the TV while he plays Sniper 2... yeah i know how fucking fun is this_**

**_And I'm not allowed to curse the fuck is this shit?_**

**_Meow_**

**_Waffles_**

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara! season one or two_**

**_and I never will_**

**_Fun Fact: Honey is the only food that doesn't spoil_**

**_Yum honey and warm milk... mmmmm_**

* * *

_~Yay POV change back to Melo-chan- er I mean Melody *gets hit with a baseball bat~_

"Izaya you asshole! You do realize that I have like a job right?! People are going to realize real fast that something is fucking wrong and bitch you know they're going to blame you since this shit is almost always your fault." I yelled at said asshole who was just smirking at me. God I want to kill you so much right now…

Just knock that smile off of your beautiful fucking face and smash that shit hulk style. No not hulk style- Shizuo Heiwajima style. That's better, there we go. "Look bitch if you just let me leave now I can easily come up with an excuse and then we can both be fucking happy- I won't tell anyone and you won't get your ass kicked. But if you don't well I'm afraid I'll have to go all Shizuo Heiwajima on your sorry little excuse for an ass." I threatened as my eyes narrowed at the Eskimo but he didn't move an inch.

"Aww Melo-chan who knew you'd get so mad over something so little~?" he taunted and I growled baring my teeth at him like a dog. And at that moment I kinda felt like one, I mean you know being tied up and unable to move that much really can make you feel like a caged animal. "Little?" I hissed my nails beginning to dig into my skin painfully. "You call this fucking little?! I mean seriously I'm tied up in your apartment and currently no one knows where I am or why I'm not at my house… dude you are so screwed on so many mother fucking levels the second my brother finds me. So many levels. More levels than Pokémon, more levels than Sword Art Online."

"Melo-chan I think it'd be better if you went to sleep instead of throwing a fit all night, you do have work tomorrow don't you?"

I opened my mouth to say something but words refused to come out. What? I swear at that moment if I could see myself from someone else's point of view I would've probably looked like a clueless Miku. That's how I felt anyway. "Ha Melody I never said you couldn't leave or anything, after all you still need to work, that's very important."

"And how Sebastian fucking nuns do you know that I won't just run off the second I'm out of here?"

"Well Melo-chan you're so terribly easy to find so even if you ran off I'd know where you went. Or I could just kill Shizu-chan"

"Why the hell are you even doing this?!"

"Well since I can't get you to love me, I want to see how much more I can make you hate me. Besides it's always fun to piss Shizu-chan off~" he replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Wait, piss Shizu-chan off? What does he mean by that? "What do you mean by "piss Shizu-chan off? You do that just by breathing so how could this possibly piss him off anymore when clearly his hate can't go further than it already is?"

"You don't get it do you?" He teased and I sent yet another death glare his way. I swear this Eskimo is five seconds away from me magically untying these bonds and using them to strangle him to death with awesomeness that I don't have. **That made absolutely no sense. **I know… I know. But just in case Izaya can read minds I want to mind rape him so bad he'll need therapy for the rest of his afterlife. **O-kay then.**

"Get what? What is there to get?"

"Shizu-chan obviously likes you." He stated blunter than a baseball bat which sent me roaring into laughter. "Shizuo, like me? HAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD THAT IS TOO MUCH! IZAYA YOU SHOULD BE A COMEDIAN YOU KNOW THAT BECAUSE YOU'RE FUNNY AS HELL! OH MY GOD HAHAHA!" I laughed as I squirmed around. It was just too much for me to handle. Too hilarious for a single soul to process all at once.

"Wow for someone who understands human psychology so well you sure are stupid when it comes to crushes." Izaya commented dryly which sent another glare his way. I swear I've broken Shizuo's record for glares in under 15 minutes, I mean part of that was because he drugged me so I just woke up and blah blah blah ice cream and puppies are awesome blah blah blah I'm blabbering again.

"Fuck you too man~" I sang at him as I stuck my tongue out like a little child. "What a foul tongue."

"Shut the fuck up and let me sleep before I fucking kill you."

"Good night Melo-chan~" Izaya cooed at me with a too sweet to be real smile on his face. God how I just want to kill that fucker and just kdngsdkn vs words do not describe how much he pisses me off…

"I hope you have nightmares Izaya Orihara."

* * *

~YAY A TIMESKIP BECAUSE AUTHOR-CHAN IS A DUMB BITCH AND DOESN'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S DOING ANYMORE BECAUSE WELL- SKITTLES. SHE REALIZED THAT YOU CAN'T TASTE THE RAINBOW BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE BLUE AND CRIED FOR FIVE HOURS HEY WHO THE FUCK TYPED THAT NO STOP TYPING AND GET BACK TO THE STORY DAMNIT~

"Alright welcome to school class I hope you all studied for that awful test that I have to give you since I'm not in control of everything we do in here and if not well I'm not going to lie, you are screwed. More screwed than France's maids."

"Oi Kida if you would stop shooting sex eyes at Anri and Mikado for five seconds and stay in your own class then we could get the school day started much faster!" I shouted over to the blonde and the room burst into laughter. Oh the joys of being a teacher.

There are none.

The day went by rather quickly (sadly) much to my surprise and before I knew it I was packing up to go home, when suddenly…

"Worstchester-san?"

"Mikado, is school over?" I asked not looking up from my paper. He nodded his head quickly; good this kid isn't too much of a dumbass. "Then don't call me Worstchester-san it makes me feel like a fucking old lady, just call me Melody."

"Oh ok Melody… I uh was just wondering something. Actually this is more of a question from Kida than me but-"

"Is Kida still on campus?"

"Y-yes."

"Then tell him to ask the fucking question. I cannot stand people who send others to do their shit, it just annoys me to the point where I want to find a high building and "fall" if you know what I mean." I said calmly like it was the most normal thing ever to die over something so stupid. I saw Mikado give a slight bow and quickly leave the room before coming back a few minutes later with the said blonde that despite not being in my class had gotten to know well. That's not necessarily a good thing but…

Who

Gives

An

Honest

Fuck

"So Masaomi what is it you wanted to ask me?"

"Oh yeah why the hell is Shizuo pissed off more than usual lately?" he asked and I just shook my head. "And why do you expect me to know this?"

Please don't do this to me Kida, you're killing me. Be a smart kid and put the pieces together why don't you?

"Well I mean aren't you friends with him? Couldn't you ask him what's wr-"

"I can't ask that because he's mad because of me, look I really can't get into _that _little fucker right now so let me just explain this in a way that I know you will get. It's all Izaya's fault. Now children if you don't mind I have to chunk the funk and leave to go home or whatever the hell it is teachers do when we leave because we sure as hell aren't telling you those secrets." I waved and packed up my stuff of no real importance (to me anyway) and left the building without another word. Hell, I didn't even tell that creepy teacher to quit staring and move along.

Yeah I was so pissed off that I feared if I opened my mouth to say something, it would probably be something that would come back to bite me in the ass (and probably get me fired). Now one could ask why I was pissed off, and a few of them did, and I answered truthfully. Izaya Orihara. Some of them nodded their heads in sympathy while others gave me confused stares. Of course even those people at least knew who he was and felt a little bad for me.

As they should, I mean this was Izaya Orihara we were talking about here. The biggest troll since bridges existed.

"IIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAA!" Wow I have never been gladder to hear that sound. It means a few minutes of freedom from Trollzaya which means I can do whatever the hell I want until Trollzaya escapes. I saw a few vending machines fly by before realizing that this probably was a worse fight than normal. Which made me want to stop it, but I'm not allowed to show my face to Shizu-chan for some fucked up reason, yet I'm allowed to go to work every day in front of millions of teenagers who can't hide their secrets for 5 whole minutes. I truly never will understand Izaya. And believe me I don't intend to.

"Kira I just want to kill 500 Titans right now to help me calm down a bit…" I grumbled as I shoved my hands in my pockets and impatiently waited for Izaya to get his sorry butt over here. You see there weren't too many- but there were a few rules I had to follow for some unknown reason. Honestly the only reason I was being loyal was because something told me just not to push Izaya this time.

The rules were:

#. You cannot have any type of contact with that monster Shizu-chan

^. After work ends wait outside for me to come fetch you so I can take you back "home" and make sure you don't pull anything

6. You cannot tell others what's going on

%. No going anywhere where you're known if you somehow are in the city

~.Listen to me and you get rewards, don't and punishment

9. Trash my house and I'll stab you

$. I _had _to be **nice** to Izaya

Yeah I guess the rules weren't too bad just annoying, of course the first one sucked more than anything I had ever come across in my life and bitch I used to live in America. There are some bad things there like fat people- excuse me _obese or overweight _because some people can't handle the truth- on Ferris wheels at Six Flags (not Six Fags, that's different). And the last one wasn't any better, trust me the last thing I wanted to do was being fucking nice to that asshole.

Also I have no idea why he called Shizu-chan a monster. I know Goldie-locks may not like his awesome strength of awesome but in my opinion it was rather amazing. He's probably just jealous. Hella jealous. More jealous than Misa is of Takada. More jealous than-

Shit I forgot.

Anywhore back to reality…

I stood there for a solid five minutes before it dawned upon me that it was very unlikely Izaya was getting out of whatever hell he had gotten himself into at the moment very quickly. I mean from what I heard Shizu-chan's already more pissed off than usual so, yeah, Izaya is one screwed mother fucker. "Maybe I'll just go buy some Pocky, take a stick- and EAT IT while I wait for their little quarrel to be over." I muttered under my breath as I headed towards the nearest convenience store with my head held down.

But sadly I still stuck out like a normal human being at an anime convention. Dude I stuck out hella bad. Of course part of that could be the fact that I have _blue fucking hair _and the fact that I'm American so I always stick out but that's the point I'm trying to make here. I mean I just want to go to the store and buy some damn Pocky and blend it, but obviously "God" has to crush my dreams as usual.

And then I got probably the most wonderful idea in the history of for fucking ever. _EVER. EVER! _So I quickly spotted a bench to sit down on, grabbed a pen and paper from my bag, and got to work.

* * *

~OH MY GOD AUTHOR-CHAN YOU WHORE, THIS IS LIKE THE FOURTH TIME SKIP THAT HAS THIS TIME BEEN BROUGHT TO US BY *DRUM ROLL* KIDA'S RAPE FACE~

I looked down at my work rather satisfied with myself. And by looked down at my work I mean I stared at the Pocky in Shizu-chan's pantry with satisfaction clearly written all over my face. You see, I had this wonderful idea to buy Shizuo something awesome, write a note, hide that note in the box, and then reseal it. Because come on we all know at this point Izaya looks through his shit so I can't just put it out in the open.

Only stupid people do that, no you gotta get clever with Izaya Orihara. I mean that is if you like living.

I took one last look at the box before I left the apartment relocking it and furiously mad dashing my ass back towards the campus- if Izaya was there and questioned me I'd simply say I got bored of waiting for him and decided to take a little walk around Sunshine 60 because well, you see I'm simply one hell of a risk taker.

I smiled as I hightailed it back my mind still dawdling on the note I had written him and what it said. Of course I didn't give away where I was- what do you think I am? Stupid? You wound me. No, but I did tell him I was safe and what not.

My exact words were a little something like this

_Oh my Kira, chunk the funk what is up my blonde brother Shizuo? Yeah by the way this is Melody… so hi! Bet you been wondering where I've been lately, well that's a long story and look I don't got time for dat so let me make this short. No I am not dead, no I am not being forced to write this, no I did not run away, and NO I did not eat that last slice of cake… ok maybe I did but hey you owe me anyway. Wait no you don't, although you kinda do in some weird way in a different universe. ANYWHORE you're probably wondering how I got into your house and got a letter into a box of Pocky, simple I can pick locks and you see I had glue with me. Don't ask and don't hate. Look I'll say this right now, this letter you're reading is showing my rebellious side- you see currently I'm not allowed to talk to you, but I still am. Look I'll try to keep in contact as much as I can but no promises on that alright Goldie-locks. And remember I luv ya! Also tell Zach I said hi- yeah I know where he is but bla bla blah holy shit I gotta go!_

_-your dearest (and weirdest) friend Melo-chan, or Melody or what the hell ever. I hate letters, I just feel so awkward writing them and I should probably shut up and go buy that Pocky now…_

Isn't that just the best love letter ever? I sure as hell thought it was.

* * *

_**How cute though? Eh I likey the ending and shit**_

_**OH MY GOD DUDE SHUT UP! oh it appears I'm typing what I'm thinking now... joy to the fucking world with rainbows and waffles of death and awesome**_

_**~News~**_

_**Why did I ever step foot outside the woods updated yesterday**_

_**It is almost summer holy ducks in a puck full of lake muck while chunking the funk out of 15 windows**_

_**I'm tired as hell**_

_**I like trains**_

_**And thats all because... because... coke  
**_

_**~In the funeral parlour with Xxle-grellxX and the other Durarara! people of awesome~**_

_**Izaya: So Melo-chan~**_

_**Melody: What?**_

_**Shizuo: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!**_

_**Melody: Shizu-chan! *hugs***_

_**Author-chan: Whelp she broke a rule**_

_**Violet: Yes but Izaya doesn't know... hopefully he won't find out and will spare her**_

_**Izaya: I will and I won't be happy about that**_

_**Luna: ANIME**_

_**Cielsakitty: I have crashed the party with Lau and holy shit Ronald STOP SPIKING THE PUNCH NOW!**_

_**Ronald: Huh?**_

_**Ciel: Ugh there are voices coming from the voice box**_

_**Mikado: Um... Melody?**_

_**Melody: Yo?**_

_**Mikado: Do you like Shizu-chan?**_

_**Kida: Now the moment of truth**_

_**Izaya: If she says yes I swear I will murder that monster**_

_**Melody: Yes I do and why would you hurt Shizu-chan Iza-kun? Are you jealous**_

_**Izaya: Fuck no**_

_**Erika: HE IS! but now the question remains whether he's possesive over Melody or Shizuo**_

_**Shizuo: What the hell**_

_**Kasuka: I like trains**_

_**Beyond Birthday: Where the fuck is my jam**_

_**Sebastian: I ate it**_

_**Fun Fact: The youngest Pope was 11 years old**_

_**Lawliet: that had nothing to do with anything**_

_**Author-chan: Exactly!**_

_**Adios my friends see ya soon I hope and stuff with food and what not, I really need to stop typing now so hands if you would please stop moving across the keyboard that would be nice...**_

_**HANDS**_

_**HANDS STAHP**_

_**See ya~**_


	14. Izaya and Melody live together

_**Ok so I'm pissed off, know why?**_

_**Well first off my little sister decided to play her goddamn awful piano in here WHILE I WAS WRITING!**_

_**And she wouldn't fucking leave... and she can't fucking play the piano for shit**_

_**Second off, down here in fuck you land it is raining... on Memorial Day...**_

_**What**_

_**The**_

_**Fuck**_

_**Is**_

_**This**_

_**Shit?**_

_**So yeah I feel just about ready to throw a vending machine at an eskimo right now**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own DRRR**_

_**Fun Fact: If NASA sent birds into space they would soon die; they need gravity to swallow**_

* * *

Isn't that just the best love letter ever? I sure as hell thought it was.

"Oh my fucking Kira Izaya what the ducks in a puck covered in lake muck took you so long to get here?!" I asked using my major acting skills. You see when I had gotten back Izaya still wasn't there- don't worry I thanked the Titan gods- so I just sat down and waited. And by waited I mean I took out my kindle that Izaya was kind enough to let me have and played Plague Inc which is probably the best game ever. I feel God playing that game, this must be how Izaya feels every day.

"Shizu-chan."

"So… I'm not allowed to say "hi" to Shizu-chan, but you're allowed to piss him off and destroy the city? That doesn't seem very fair."

"Are you god?"

"No and neither are you." I stated flatly showing him that I was in a no bullshit mood. Which pretty much meant I wasn't in the mood to be anywhere near Izaya. Too bad this bitch is kinda in charge and what not right now with the whole…

Wait why am I even doing this? Oh yeah because he'll kill Shizu-chan…

I guess I forgot.

"So can I ask why the fuck you're even doing this again?"

"To piss Shizu-chan off."

"And what will that accomplish?" I questioned, holy Kira let's make this an interview! "More than you think it will Melo-chan."

"Why do you want to piss Shizu-chan off."

"To show everyone what a monster he is."

"You're the one that kills people last I checked…" I pointed out. **And kidnaps, and tricks, and sells out, and probably rapes, and so on. The list goes on and we know it. **We both just stood there in silence for a few minutes- me thinking about all the shit Izaya probably has done to other people, and him just staring at (probably studying) me with that all knowing bitch grin of his plastered all up on his face.

Finally after a minutes he spoke up breaking the silence as we walked home (because he's an active bitch, and I think he just wanted to piss off Shizuo further like the flea he is…) although I must say I was not expecting what he said. At all.

"You know just because I'm doing this doesn't mean I think you're special. When I say I love people, I mean all humans not you individually."

"What the ducks playing in lake muck, where did you get that idea?! Did you seriously think that's what was on my mind?!"

"It wasn't?"

"No. I was thinking about all the things you've probably done wrong to everyone just to get your way."

"Really now?" he asked. I nodded and looked down at my feet. Man this suuuuuuuccccccckkkkkksssss I hate doing this. My Kira first chance I get I'm so out of here it is not funny. I swear I need to think up a plan or pray to Kira that something happens soon so I have the opportunity to escape.

* * *

~OH LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT AUTHOR-CHAN BE AN ASSHOLE INTERRUPTING THE IZAYA AND MELO-CHAN PAIRING TIME. COME ON I KNOW AT LEAST ONE OF YOU SICK LITTLE HOES ENJOY THOSE TWO TOGETHER, AT LEAST ONE AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE... DON'T TELL MELODY BUT I SHIP THEM...~

"OH MY KIRA IZAYA SHUT THE FUCK UP I AM TRYING TO SLEEP DAMNIT! Man and I thought Shizuo was bad…"

"SO MUCH FUN, SO MUCH FUN HUMANS ARE SO INTERESTING!" he screamed even louder which pissed me off beyond the point of return. "YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS INTERESTING IZAYA? THE FUCKING NEWS! AND IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP THEY'LL BE MENTIONING YOUR DEATH ON IT SOON! I screeched right back as I threw a pillow at the door. Yes I just threw a pillow at the door out of rage. Get over it.

"Kira I hate you Izaya Orihara and I curse the day you were born and brought into this world." I muttered as I shoved my face into another one of the many pillows throughout the room. This dude has too many fucking pillows to be natural. It's like a pillow farm in here, or the zoo of face cushions while people sleep.

I like that name for pillows more than the actual proper name for pillows. Face cushions. **And clearly you're on crack. **Drugs are bad Mmm'kay.

After about an hour of rethinking life entirely I finally accepted the fact that my insomnia was being a bitch today and would grant me any sleep tonight, which sucks. A lot.

You know what else sucks… taxes.

What , you thought I was going to put whores there? How immature do you think I am? I feel wounded. I feel hurt.

I quietly stepped out of the room and walked into the office area thingy before hopping on the computer (Which Izaya wasn't on for once) and began to play Minecraft. I mean I would've like… emailed my friends if a certain little eskimo hadn't closely be monitoring my email but yeah

Shit happens

An hour and a half later I was feeling rather proud of myself as I checked over my pixel art of Shizuo holding a stop sign and Izaya with a knife in hand while they were surrounded by "KEEP OUT" tape. I liked it. More than I should, I was like about ready to begin a romantic relationship with it that's how much I loved the damn thing. I loved it that much. _'Maybe I should chat with my online friends a bit, just like say hi and whatever' _I thought to myself and quickly approved the idea.

Only when I got onto the right website I saw something interesting. Izaya was already logged in- but not to my account. No this bitches username was none other than Kanra…

Oh why am I not even surprised by this stuff anymore? Should I even be?

_-Uso has joined the chat room-_

_Uso: Oh my gawd it has been awhile but don't worry your hero is back!_

_Taro Tanaka: Hey Uso-san!_

_Uso: Oh yay someone's here._

_Uso: So Taro buddy what goes on with you?_

_Taro Tanaka: Nothing much, but you know what I heard?_

_Taro Tanaka: I heard the dollars are having a big meeting soon_

_Uso: So Taro when exactly did you turn into Kanra?_

_Taro Tanaka: Uh what?_

_Uso: Well usually he asks those kinds of questions_

_Uso: and says those kinds of things_

_-Kanra has joined the chat room-_

_Uso: joy here he is in all her glory_

_Taro Tanaka: Uso? Did you just say he for Kanra?_

_Uso: oops guess I forgot the "s"_

_Kanra: Uso-chan~ hey gurl it sure has been a while_

_Uso: So Izaya update!_

_Taro Tanaka: dear god_

_Uso: I SAW THAT_

_Uso: Anywhore sometimes I just want to beat that shit eating smirk off of his face and saiffhfgnrtyul;p/m vnr I can't even- words don't describe my hatred for him_

_Uso: or Kanra_

_Kanra: what did I do~?_

_Uso: you know what you did_

_Taro Tanaka: guys please calm down…_

"FUCK YOU IZAYA!" I screamed and it echoed throughout the apartment. "You know you want to Melo-chan~!" he replied and I just growled in frustration before turning my attention back to the chat room.

_Uso: I feel better now_

_Kanra: I don't_

_Uso: And I don't care!_

_Taro Tanaka: Please no fights in here…_

**-Kanra has sent you a private message-**

**Kanra: Melo-chan shouldn't you be sleeping?**

**Uso: Shouldn't you be dead?**

**Kanra: so cold~**

**Uso: so annoying**

_Uso: Look I'm going to bail, gotta go punch my roommate in the face_

_Kanra: Aww~ Uso hasn't anyone ever told you that violence is wrong_

_Uso: No, and if anything Izaya needs to be told that and kicked where no man should be kicked_

_-Uso has left the chat room-_

"I hate you Izaya, and yes I know you're behind me." I smiled Medusa style as I got up and retreated to the balcony looking over the city of Shinjuku (NOT FUCKING IKEBUKURO NOTHING PISSES ME OFF MORE THAN PEOPLE WHO THINK HE LIVES IN IKEBUKURO, WELL EXCEPT WHEN PEOPLE SAY CIEL'S BIRTHDAY IS THE 14 NOT 12 OF DECEMBER…) in all its glory.

You know I think I'd actually really enjoy this place if a certain eskimo didn't keep ruining my life… It's actually quite nice.

* * *

_**So hola**_

_**Look I gotta make this quick since I have to go and all**_

_**~News~**_

_**Why does this always happen to me? will be posted later today**_

_**I love trains**_

_**Why did I ever step foot outside the woods? was updated last night**_

_**~In the torture chamber with Xxle-grellxX and friends~**_

_**Wait I don't have friends**_

_**Sorry there is no bonus shit today so feel free to pelt me with tomatos**_

_**See ya later chicas~**_


	15. Meetings and escape attempts

_**Ok so hey, yeah yeah I know it has taken me a while to update, longer than usual**_

_**Well you see since it's the last week of my school my teachers were all like "Hey! We should TOTALLY just fucking give this students a million projects!"**_

_**Fucking bitch cunts**_

_**I have been working my ass off**_

_**So fucking much**_

_**And right now it's like 8:13 AM on a school day...**_

_**I hate my life**_

_**So fucking much**_

_**More than Violet**_

_**More than Melody's about to**_

_**More than Hope**_

_**Yeah it's bad**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara! bitch**_

_**Fun Fact: Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time.**_

* * *

"And that class is why you should never piss Shizuo Heiwajima off, that's all today for our crack lesson that we have every other day at the last 15 minutes of class, and I hope you all do your homework so I don't have to yell at you and hurt my vocal cords."

And as if on cue the second I finished my sentence the bell rang. Oh how I love school, just not being the student. All the students quietly shuffled out of the classroom leaving me alone with a bad attitude and a headache, and I'm sure you can guess that isn't a good mix for me. It's times like these I need to talk to someone, alas I can't.

**Wait… You're at school, you could use a school phone to call up your friends and no one would ever know.. **OH MY KIRA I'M SUCH AN IDOIT FOR NOT THING OF THAT SOONER! Quicker than Izaya can ruin a life I dialed up my brother's phone number at which point I knew by heart. And thank the Titan gods themselves that he picked up after the first ring.

"Hello?" His voice sounded worn out, tired, and stressed. "Oh my Kira Zach! Dude I missed you so fucking much!"

"Melody?"

"No this is Miku from the fuck you department."

"Oh thank god you're ok Melody, I feared the worse had happened to you. Speaking of which where the hell are you?!"

"I'm sorry, I can't tell you that. I don't even think I'm allowed to call you right now." I apologized. "Honestly I just wanted to talk and let you know that I was alright." I laughed nervously. Man I really hate doing this to my brother so much you can't even begin to know.

"Melody, please come back." He pleaded. "I can't, I mean I really can't tell you why, but trust me if I could I would. Tell Shizuo I said hi."

"Melody please just stay safe, I love you. Shizuo is worried for you- but he seemed to calm down a bit the other day… Melody please just promise me you'll be OK."

"Brother if I wasn't able to do that much than what kind of sister would I be? Anyways Zach don't worry I'm fine, I'll figure a way out of this soon and I love you very fucking much." I said as I hung up the phone and chunked the funk out the window. _**(A/N Chunk the funk doesn't really mean anything… I saw it somewhere and well… it became part of this fanfiction, as Melody (or even Violet) would say DEAL WITH IT!)**_

"Come on Melo-chan hurry up! We have to go somewhere later!"

"And why can't you just go?"

"Because I don't think it'd be safe to leave you alone at my apartment for over an hour."

"You shouldn't."

"I know."

"Also Izaya I just want you to know that I completely fucked up your chess board."

"Bitch."

"Well if I'm a bitch then I won't be able to decide on just one outfit so you'll have to wait while I get ready." I snapped back with a victorious smile on my face. Izaya grinned yet again and realizing that he was up to no good I just sighed and hung my head down.

I'm just about tired of this.

I need to figure out some way to get the hell out of this. Now.

~OH MY GOD YOU SEE THIS? YOU SEE AUTHOR-CHAN BEING A BITCH, YEAH GET OVER IT BECAUSE THIS IS A TIME SKIP BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE DEATH NOTE OF AWESOME AND POTATO CHIPS…~

I ended up wearing black skinny jeans, a black half shirt and a black hoodie. Pretty colorful right? Well it gets even better- Izaya being the smart bitch that he is decided that my blue hair would stick out too much so when he handed me a jacket that looked exactly like his own and I put my black hoodie on under it when he wasn't looking.

Sure it was uncomfortable but if I was right this might just earn me some freedom. If I failed well… something tells me I'll be learning what "punishment" is. I don't really want to know.

So yeah this better fucking work or I'm screwed- most likely literally too. **Haha I see what you did there. Using the whole cliché punishment shit. But I guess that makes sense, this is IZAYA after all…**

"Melo-chan~," Izaya nudged my shoulder causing me to put on my I-do-not-give-a-fuck look and turn towards him. "What Trollzaya?" I asked trying not to sound too terribly annoyed. Which failed. Horribly. Worse than fucking… fucking…

It's just

I can't really describe it

"Remember Melo-chan not to be seen by that monster Shizu-chan."

"Sure whatever Izaya you unbearable prick." I rolled my eyes while stuffing my hands in my pockets. Soon enough we were in the middle of Sunshine 60 just leaning against the wall while I stared at everyone wandering around the streets since I had nothing better to do. "What exactly is the point of this Izaya, we're just standing here." I pointed out and he grinned.

"You'll see soon enough Melo-chan~" he gave yet another shit eating grin and I retreated to my thoughts while I waited for whatever the hell was supposed to happen. _'Didn't Mikado say something about the Dollars meeting? How did he know, he doesn't seem to be in with them, but I guess you never really know... Is he the leader? No that's impossible, I doubt some high school student could even create such a successful gang?' _I internally argued with myself for what felt like hours.

Finally! Final-fucking-ly I heard Izaya's phone ring and many others to follow it, indicating that something did happen and I glanced around with a confused expression on my face. Just what the hell is going on here? I peeked over at Izaya's phone out of curiosity and my suspicions were confirmed when I read the message the bright screen displayed.

[Orders- Everyone not looking at their cellphones right now is an enemy. Don't attack them, just watch quietly.]

Geez what is this guy planning? Is he making some sort of trade and worried he might get attacked? I guess that makes sense. I saw Izaya smiling as he held his phone up higher clearly lost in Lala~ Land and a thought crept up in my mind. _'If you ran, you could probably make it right now...' _but I quickly shook it away. While I wanted to leave, even I wasn't _that _stupid. That little prick would find me before I could even say "Back the fuck up!"

But what if he didn't? What if I somehow managed to get away? What if I actually had enough time to sli-

A loud, strange sound interrupted my thoughts and I looked towards the source. Celty. She came down the building on her motorcycle. I immediately knew that girl was pissed, but what I didn't know was why. **"SCREW IT!" **I heard someone scream and I looked up at her in awe. It was her. **"THAT'S RIGHT! I HAVE NO HEAD! I'M A MONSTER, I HAVE NO MOUTH TO SPEAK MY THOUGHTS OR EYES TO CONVEY MY EMOTIONS!" **she screeched dragging her scythe down the building and I couldn't help but give a small smile. "You go Celty!" I hooted pumping a fist in the air.

Yeah I just did that, what's it to you?

**"BUT SO WHAT?! WHO GIVES A DAMN?! I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!" **she screamed as she landed on the pavement, immediately causing chaos which I was actuall very grateful for. Why? Well because without Izaya even noticing I slipped away quickly taking the coat he gave me off and stuffing it into the black sweatshirt I wore underneath while pulling up my hood. It wouldn't be good if I was caught now, all that planning gone to waste.

I have only one chance at this and I hope I don't fuck up. No I _can't _fuck up. Not now.

**"I am here, and I am real. If you say I have no eyes then watch my actions very closely."**

**"Listen to the cries of those around you of those who've angered this monster!" **

I froze in shock and gaped as I saw someone knock Celty's helmet onto the ground. She really didn't have a head... THAT IS SO FUCKING COOL HOLY SHHHEEEEIIIITTTTT!

I started running again knowing it was my best option at this point in time. But I guess I wasn't looking where I was going because a second later I bumped into a certain black haired student in my class. Mikado. _'Wait this is a meeting for the Dollars... is he actually?' _I wondered but quickly shook my head. I need to get out of here now. "Sorry Mikado, gotta go can't talk!" I apologized but stiffened when I heard another voice butt in.

Seriously I'm getting fucking no where, what the ever loving fuck?!

"Are you Mikado Ryugamine?" some crazy boy asked as he approached us with a- excuse me is that scalpel... fucking wow. "Where's Celty? I want Celty! Give her back!" he screamed lunging for Mikado but I quickly stepped in front of the boy, blocking his body with my own. No way in hell am I going to let on of my students get hurt.

I squeezed my eyes shut and braced for impact, but it never came and after I shakily reopened my eyes I saw why. A familiar woman in an all black body suit and a yellow helmet with cat ears had stepped in front of me at the last second. "Celty!" I yelled before she dropped to her knees. I quickly knelt down, making sure that she was ok to which she shakily nodded. Thank Kira it was only a scalpel.

Crazy boy started blabbing about some shit to Mikado while I gazed around, praying that a certain little eskimo hadn't seen what had gone on and became interested in the situation. That would really suck, if he finds me... _'RUN DAMNIT! RUN NOW! MOVE LEGS!'_ I internally screamed to myself but after a few seconds found I couldn't get up. I made a mental note right then and there to never eat anything that eskimo son of a bitch gave me ever again. I'd rather starve.

I jumped back a bit when Celty suddenly jumped back on her feet and tried to smack that scalpel out of his hand with her helmet, but sadly she missed so she whacked him several more times. I starred at the scene in awe, somehow I just found it to be so cool to see something with no head moving. Besides it's not really like I could move my legs anyway...

For some reason COUGH IZAYA COUGH!

"It'll take more than that to stop our love!"

"Beat me all you want, I don't care. I won't feel it!"

"That's insane!" Mikado shouted and I completely agreed with him. 100% no doubt.

I saw Celty create a scythe from the shadows within her body (or wherever they came from) and somehow knew she wouldn't hurt of kill crazy boy. This was all just to scare him and to tell him to back off. Of course the girl that ran up at the last minute screaming "NO! DONT!" clearly didn't. I ignored her pleading as I looked around once more, not feeling completely at ease. Sure I had this oversized jacket on to the point where no one could see my face, but I know for a fact that if Izaya came over here chances of me escaping were slim.

More slim than a Slim Jim.

_'Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit I need to get out of here now damnit! LEGS FUCKING MOVE! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!' _I internally panicked as I tried to at least stand up which I only barely succeeded in doing. I still cheered in my head and did a little fist pump of victory though. I noticed Celty walk off as the crazy stalker bitch (I had half listened to her) Mika-Harima tried to explain herself to crazy boy. I froze though when I heard a certain eskimo's voice and fucking hoped that he wouldn't take any notice of me.

"Well you couldn't even tell the difference between the genuine article and the fake. Guess your love wasn't that strong after all."

_'SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, FUCKING SHIT! RUN DAMNIT! RUN!'_

"Sucks to be you."

'_RUN NOW DAMNIT! MOVE LEGS! GET OUT OF HERE! SHIT!'_

I looked to where the eskimo had been and noticed he was gone and sighed in relief. With a shaky step I made my way into the direction of my home slowly, overjoyed that I still was able to walk, but I knew I needed to get somewhere safe fast. I knew someone was watching me, but at that moment I really didn't care. I just wanted to go back home and see my brother.

Not his face everyday. Not to be stuck with that bitch cunt Izaya Orihara. I hate him with every fiber in my body and then some. And then some fucking more.

I saw a knife go by my head and realized that when I had started running (I somehow managed it) my hood had flown off in the process. SHIT! "Ah, ah, ah Melo-chan." he tsked in a disappointed tone with a gleam in his eyes and I immediately regretted turning to face him. I slowly backed away not daring to steal a glance behind me, just knowing that I had to get to the now disappearing crowd of people in order to escape. Damnit where's Shizuo when you need him?!

"Where are you going my sweet little Melo-chan~?" he grinned and I tried not to seem scared. I mean the dude had a fucking knife in his fucking hands and he was fucking pissed. Think about that for a second. Now think about screwed I am. In both senses.

"Come Melo-chan, we need to get back home before Shizu-chan finds me again." he demanded and I weakly shook my head now having a new ray of hope appear. If I can just stall this long enough for Sh- "That won't work Melo-chan. You can't stall if I know what you're trying to do~." he shook his head like he was disappointed and roughly grabbed my wrist pulling me close to him so my face was only inches from his.

"Melo-chan I said we were leaving and I wasn't asking." he growled before changing back to his usual too-happy-to-be-safe self in less than 3 seconds. Holy shit I'm screwed. I'm dead, so dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, DEAD!

He forcefully started pulling me back towards his hellhole of a home and once we got back I saw the biggest shit-eating grin on his face ever as he locked the door behind him and kicked me onto the ground.

"Bad girls get punished Melo-chan~" he purred and my eyes widened.

Punished?

* * *

_**So I'm sorry but no crack shit. I'm out of time!**_

_**Out of fucking time**_

_**~News~**_

_**I plan to update WDIESFOTW? (Why did I ever step foot outside the woods?) later today or tomorrow in the morning**_

_**Why does this always happen to me shall be updated tomorrow**_

_**I like trains**_

_**LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL (For me anyways...)**_

_**Fun Fact: Polar bears are left handed.**_

_**Izaya: Yay I love this chapter and the next one to come**_

_**Damnit Izaya I said we don't have time to fucking chat and cause chaos today**_

_**Adios Chicas~**_

_**Melody: SAVE ME!**_


	16. Punishment

_**Hi guys! IT'S FINALLY SUMMA! YAY ;D HUGS EVERYWHERE AND DEAD BODIES TOO... erm umm...**_

_**Titans**_

_**Just titans everywhere**_

_**So um...**_

_**I um... felt fucking awkward writing this**_

_**I feel like a pervert .**_

_**WAHHHH**_

_**And of course since I've never done this before it'll probably be awful**_

_**But SOMEONE haaadddd to request it and tell me what a good idea it would be**_

_**I'm not mad but...**_

_**Izaldy? Or Melzaya? no**_

_**no**_

_**no**_

_**no**_

_**no**_

_**no**_

_**no**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara! Yall bitches should know that**_

_**Warning: If you (somehow) haven't figured it out already (How about me changing the rating to M?) there is sexual content in this chapter. and it is rape.**_

_**REMEMBER: I DON'T SUPPORT NON-CON, I DON'T SUPPORT RAPE OR WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT TO CALL IT**_

_**I don't, that's a promise**_

_**Fun Fact: If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.**_

_**On with the story now!**_

_**Oh and remember just cuz Izaya and Melody fuck in this chapter-**_

_**Melody: DON'T SAY IT LIKE THAT!**_

_**Anyways just because that happens it does not make this an IzayaxMelody story sorta**_

_**It's more like ShizuoxOC and Onesided IzayaxOC... I'm pretty sure that's in the summary as well so don't piss Melo-chan... erm Melody off by saying her and Izaya go good together**_

_**No matter how true it is *gets hit with a frying pan* LIGHT YOU WHORE I DIDN'T EVEN SAY I WAS GOD THIS TIME!**_

* * *

Punished?

"Punished?" I squeaked nervously. "Yes, Melo-chan. Bad girls who don't follow the rules must be disciplined." He grinned with a frightening gleam appearing in his eyes. Now I wasn't normally a bitch easily scared (clearly) but right now I'm just about ready to have a heart attack. And this time it wouldn't be Kira's fault.

"Izaya p-" I started before he suddenly rose up one hand and struck in down on my face, effectively knocking me out. I heard him chuckle "This'll be a lot of fun." Before it all faded black.

~OH MY KIRA THIS IS CLEARLY A TIME SKIP INTO A MAGICAL DIMENSION OF POTATOS, SHORT LEVI JOKES, AND EVERYTHING AWESOME WITH ANIME TOO WHEEEWWW~

The first thing I noticed as I regained consciousness was my aching head. The second was that I couldn't see. Third, I couldn't move and it was significantly colder than before. And finally I noticed an awful taste in my mouth and when I tried to talk it just came out as muffled noises.

**Great it seems with your carelessness we've ended up blindfolded, probably tied to a fucking bed half naked, and gagged. **Thank you for that! REAL FUCKING COMFORTING!

Even though I knew it was pointless (and probably very stupid) I started screaming and squirming around, struggling to free myself but only succeeding in alerting a certain eskimo that I was awake. "Aww Melo-chan~ what's wrong?" he taunted and I could see the grin on his face.

I could fucking **see** it and I'm _blindfolded_. That's saying something.

I screamed more as I felt tears welling up in my eyes and with some difficulty making their way down my face. I tried shouting "SOMEONE HELP ME!" but even if it could somehow be understood as words I knew no one would come. No one will help.

"Aww Melo-chan looks sad. I wonder why that is…" I heard the bed (I'm going to assume that's what I'm tied to at this point in time) shift and felt a heavy weight on my bare stomach. Geez as if I wasn't already restrained enough.

I let out a muffled gasp and accidently arched my back when I felt Izaya roughly pinching my nipples while he twisted them almost painfully. I squirmed around uncomfortably, but I didn't get very far seeing as Izaya was sitting on me. "Uncomfortable are we now Melo-chan~?" he teased as he started to roughly squeeze my mounds which resulted in more failed struggling.

I screamed muffled death threats at him and heard a cold chuckle. "You know Melo-chan I'm not very fond of death threats. I may not be able to understand you right now, but I'm sure even Shizu-chan would know what you're screaming at me. Hold on are they like "I'll fucking kill you the first chance I get you eskimo bastard!" no… I think they're more "The first chance I get, I'll bring a slow painful death upon you and I'm going to fucking destroy you and make you plead for your life." That sound about right?"

I didn't respond. No way in hell was I going to let him know that he guessed my thoughts correctly. Fuck that shit in the ass.

"You know Melody I don't really like threats on my life." He informed as he (finally) got off of me. I started squirming again though when I felt Izaya slip one finger past my folds and struggled as he started moving that finger at a quick pace. I tried to ignore the knot that started building up in my stomach as he pumped it in and out even faster after he added another digit but it was impossible. I didn't want to say this, but what he was doing actually felt kind of… good.

_Hell no! He's going to rape me! What are you saying?!_

I let out another muffled moan and slightly bucked my hips when Izaya hit something. I prayed he didn't notice this, but today I guess god decided to be a bitch because he started pumping the digits even faster continuing to hit that special spot that made me feel oh so good inside. _I'm fucking disgusting for even enjoying this…_

He kept hitting that spot over and over, and I felt the knot in my stomach tightening until I felt it about to burst. And it did. I practically screamed through the cloth as I came all over Izaya's fingers. "Oh look Melo-chan you made a mess." Izaya tsked and I attempted a growl as if to say "Shut your fucking mouth before I shove a fork up your ungrateful ass." Yeah that sounds about right.

"Say Melo-chan is this your first time?"

What the fuck kinda question is that? **A fuck question. **_Oh here comes asshole brain, hey how are you today asshole brain._Great I'm arguing with myself as three different people now. If that doesn't dub me as "one who has lost it" then I'm not sure what does. I slowly nodded my head just wishing to wrap my hands around the raven haired male's throat so I could strangle that bitch.

"Yay!" was all he replied before he slammed himself inside.

Pain. It hurt. It hurt so fucking much. What made it worse was the fact that Izaya didn't wait for me to adjust- no, no, no he just started thrusting in at a rough pace completely ignoring my muffled cries of protest. Without even realizing it I had managed to bite through the gag- maybe my teeth are just a little too sharp. "YOU ASSHOLE I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!" I screamed trying desperately to ignore the pain that was slowly (emphasis on _slowly_) starting to fade away.

"Aww Melo-chan look what you've done. You broke the gag, that's no fun, not at all~" he said as he still relentlessly pounded into me.

"You sick little fuck I'm going to rip off your tongue and shove it down your throat." I hissed trying to ignore the pleasure that had taken over the pain. Fuck no I'm not enjoying this. I hate this prick! WHAT THE FUCK BODY QUIT BEING A WHORE! "That isn't very nice Melo-chan you know?" Izaya cooed as he started going even faster. I had to bite down on my bottom lip until it drew blood to stop any noises from coming out. Let the bastard have satisfaction in this? No I don't fucking think so.

"You really are trying to deny that you like this aren't you Melo-chan? It must hurt to have you lip bleeding like that."

"Yo man you can just shut the fuck up before I slap you to hell and back so hard so fast Satan won't be able to pull his hands out of his ass fast enough to comprehend what just happened." I growled and realized my mistake since I gave a small moan after that threat making it seem pathetic. **Just like you. **Hey fuck you!

Izaya started thrusting even faster and I let out a loud moan when he hit the spot he had with his fingers earlier. "See aren't you enjoying yourself so much more now?"

"No I- I ha-hate... you Ah! Izaya Ah!" I gasped as he kept going faster and harder with every thrust. "That's not what your body says Melo-chan~" Izaya teased, and I swear if I had a knife at that moment this bitch would've looked worse than a whore cut up by none other than Madame Red and Grell Sutcliff (Jack the fucking Ripper).

I felt that annoying (I thought it was annoying) knot building up again in my stomach before it burst again, this time more powerful as I practically screamed while my toes curled at the extreme pleasure. I heard Izaya groan too and felt relieved when he finally pulled out. This bitch aint getting pregnant. End of motherfucking horror story.

**I love how even though you've been raped you're still as peachy as ever. **Hey didn't I tell you to shut the fuck up?

I panted slightly as I felt Izaya start to untie me, but even once my hands were free I was too tired to hit him. I just had no strength left. "See that wasn't awful, now was it Melo-chan." Izaya asked in a mocking tone of voice and I frowned.

"You're right it wasn't awful Izaya, that word simply isn't hateful enough to describe how terrible that experience was." I shot back at him before I yawned and curled up into a little ball. I heard him chuckle as I tightly shut my eyes trying to find sleep. "Good night Melo-chan~ sweet dreams."

"Go fuck yourself and then die in a hole like the pathetic faggot you are." I hissed back and I heard the door shut.

God I need to get out of here soon, I can't take this much longer.

* * *

_***curls up into a ball and dies***_

_**GAHH I FEEL SO WEIRD WRITING THAT**_

_**I hope it wasn't too terrible... I mean I had NO idea what the fuck I was doing...at all**_

_**~News bitches~**_

_**Why does this always happen to me? *sigh* Kira must hate me, every time I start working on this chapter something comes up t(-_-t) hopefully this will be updated on Wednesday. I fucking pray to Izaya that it is**_

_**Pasts forgotten, Futures rewritten (the fucking collab story of awesome as I call it) well its my turn to write the chappy so by Friday I fucking hope**_

_**Then again I actually have a life in the summer so...**_

_**shit**_

_**I like trains**_

_**And titans**_

_**And pancakes**_

_**OH MY GAWD PANCAKES THOUGH**_

_**~In the wine cellar (don't ask don't hate) with the Durarara! people of umm potatos and Xxle-grellxX for cake and shit~**_

_**Melody: I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life...**_

_**Izaya: How long has she been saying that?**_

_**Author-chan: Since this chapter started if I recall correctly...**_

_**Shizuo:IIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!**_

_**Celty: Whoa calm down!**_

_**Izaya: Aww is the monster jealous**_

_**Shizuo: I'll fucking kill you!**_

_**Violet: *facepalm* this is what we get for letting Author-chan write our lives**_

_**Hope: Indeed**_

_**Maria: Yep de fucking doo da**_

_**Raven: Weren't you deleted Maria?**_

_**Maria: Is Hope's story even posted**_

_**Crimson: Good point**_

_**Claude: Aww look at my cute daughter with her big blue eyes and dark purple hair!**_

_**Crimson: get off of me Dad before I kill you**_

_**Lawliet: When did this turn into Black Butler hour?**_

_**Author-chan: I DON'T KNOW YOU BITCHES ALWAYS CRASH THE PARTY**_

_**Melody: I hate my life**_

_**Zach: So... what's Izaya's address exactly I'd love to "talk" with him**_

_**All the otakus (BB included): YANDERE! YANDERE EVERYWHERE!**_

_**Beyond Birthday: HOPE YOU BITCH BUY ME MORE JAM**_

_**Hope: No fuck you Birthday**_

_**Izaya: When exactly will the "fuck" take place?**_

_**Beyond Birthday: THAT'S MY LINE!**_

_**Author-chan: So I was rewatching Kuroshitsuji and I noticed the weirdest thing...**_

_**Ciel: What?**_

_**Author-chan: well in season two of episode one, at a certain point Claude is just carrying around a plate**_

_**Alois: Yeah so?**_

_**Author-chan: Well everyone had plates with food on them and they didn't before so he was just walking around to nowhere with a plate in hand**_

_**Everyone: 0.0 THE CASE OF THE MYSTERY PLATE**_

_**Claude: The fuck **_

_**Violet: Did you know Claude wears a purple belt**_

_**Claude: Well Violet you should know that~**_

_**Shizuo: that pedobear pisses me off**_

_**Author-chan: he pisses everyone off**_

_**Melody: Just like Izaya, they're both UNWANTED**_

_**Ash: THAT'S MY LINE YA WHORE**_

_**Melody: Fuck you, you're dead anyways**_

_**Fun Fact: Certain frogs can be frozen solid, then thawed, and survive.**_

_**Ash: SAY THAT TO MY FACE**_

_**Meow**_

_**Adios Chicas~ See ya soon... I hope**_


	17. Twins, explanations, and dog collars?

_**Oh hi**_

_**So I'm happy (HOW?! HOW THE EVER LOVING FUCK IS OUR FOREVER DEPRESSED AUTHOR-CHAN HAPPY?! You all don't ask)**_

_**Well you see...I got cookies**_

_**And roleplay**_

_**Tons and tons of (sexual WHO PUT THAT?!) roleplay**_

_**Izaya: I'm not shocked**_

_**HEY IZAYA WHAT DID THE FIVE FINGERS SAY TO THE FACE?**_

_**Izaya: Fingers don't have mouths**_

_**FRONT HAND BACK HAND BITCH! *slaps twice***_

_**Izaya: OW! MY SEXY, SEXY FACE**_

_**Melody: Not going to lie it is pretty sexy**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own jack shit unless your name is Melody Worstchester or Zach Worstchester**_

_**Get it? Got it? Fantabulous full of raping Izayas**_

_**WHAT IS IT WITH ME AND IZAYA AND RAPE LATELY MY GOD!**_

_**Moving right along then**_

_**Fun Fact: Mairu Orihara is the first person to be censored on the chat room for mature content.**_

* * *

I heard the door open and I groaned, half in annoyance, half in pain. "Interrupt my sleep and I'll interrupt your breathing Izaya." I growled pulling a pillow over my head. I am fucking tired, I am fucking sore leave me the fuck alone.

"Izaya's not here right now." Some bitch stated in a cold tone. Wait… Izaya's not here? Yay! My day has immediately gotten that much better from hearing that sentence. "Really?" I asked hopefully. "Where is that prick then?" I quickly added on as I looked up at the person who had interrupted my slumber. I was having the most wonderful dream you see…It was about killing Izaya. **FIGURES.**

"I really don't care where Izaya is right now. He just told me to wake you up." She shrugged. I groaned again as I stretched. Waking up sucks. **You know what else sucks… **_no, no don't say anything, it's way to earlier for your fighting to go on in this brain. _**Melody does. More than the average whore. **_Oh here we go. _SAY THAT TO MY FACE YOU BITCH I'LL FUCKING RIP YOU APART, I WILL DESTROY YOU!

"So… considering the fact that I'm naked at the moment could you please get out?" I tried to sound somewhat sweet since I knew this girl hated being here too. I wonder what the deal is with her. **I bet my ass its black mail. **With Izaya everything is black mail, that fucker knows how to work it.

She just shrugged again (is that all she can do?!) and walked out of the room causing me to sigh in relief. Privacy! Finally! Something I haven't had in… wait how long have I been stuck here? Umm like about a month, yeah that sounds right.

I yawned as I slowly got (fell) out of the bed. "Ow…" I muttered into the floor. **What did you get a splinter or something? **Haha real funny bitch, real funny. Say that again and see how fast I rip you to shreds. I walked into the attached bathroom only half paying attention and squealed when I realized I wasn't alone.

Two teenagers (?) were standing side-by-side smiling at me. My hands immediately shot down to cover my breasts and nether regions and I swear my cheeks put Antonio's tomatoes to shame. Those bitches are crying over how red I am. I beat them worse than Near beat Light's ass. I beat them worse than… never mind. We aren't having ANY _A Child Called 'It' _references in here. Ever. End of horror story.

Hold on teenagers… teenagers… HOLY SHIT WORK! I HAVE A JOB AS A TEACHER! HOLY SHIT!

**Niiiccccceeeee. Forgetting about work. Real smooth there you know real smooth.**

"SHIT WORK!" I screamed and the girl in the yellow jacket gave me a confused look before sharing a look with the other girl. "Work?" she asked and I nodded. "Yes work child, the thing people do for a living until they die and stuff, work." I repeated sarcastically.

"As of 10:13 last night Melody Worstchester has been unemployed." The girl in the green jacket piped up and I gave her a WTF look. How in the holy- No I don't care. I have dealt with too much shit already and it isn't even noon yet.

"You know you're really pretty, no wonder brother likes you so much." The one in yellow stated pushing her glasses back on her face. "Nice rack too." She added and I swear I got even redder. Wait brother…

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh Izaya's sisters ohhhhhhhhhhh. Now I get it. "I don't care, get out now children." I said monotonously pushing them into the bedroom, and locking the door to the attached bathroom. Can't I get any peace?! I swear I try to take a shower and then there are two little-I don't know where to begin on those girls- people(?) that just have to be there waiting for me like I was some animal.

Life has not been well for me as of late.

~LE POTATO TIME SKIP OF SASHA STEALING ALL OF OUR FRENCH FRIES, HASHBROWNS, BAKED POTATOS, TATER TOTS, AND HAMBURGERS LIKE A DOUCHE~

"This is as humiliating as it is unnecessary and I swear the second I can you are so going into the nearest garbage truck." I growled with a frown on my face. I was wearing a _dog collar _with my name imprinted on a metal tag like a _dog. _I um… there are so many things I could say right now and they still wouldn't properly express my fury.

I am not a dog. I am a G. Need I spell it out for you?!

"But Melo-chan I th-"

"No, no, no don't you "But Melo-chan" me Izaya. I am a human being, not a dog. I am not a pet. I do not belong to you. I do not like this. I do not like you. Take this collar off now or I swear to Kira himself your death will be as painful as it comes." I cut in, my words like knives. I was beyond pissed at this point. This fucker had the audacity to go out and buy something for a pet dog and put it on my neck as if it were completely normal.

"Ah but Melo-chan I thought I already claimed you."

"LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF MY AWESOMENESS!" I screamed at the top of my lungs as I covered my ears and blushed for about the 9,001st time today. Seriously the Orihara family has a gift for making people uncomfortable. More uncomfortable than wearing a dress that the ladies in the 1800's wore.

More uncomfortable than a cat hater talking about why cats suck to Sebastian.

More uncomfortable than taking L's cake and EATING IT right in front of him. (And yes I did just change Light's famous line and turn it into that)

"She isn't as mature as I thought though…" Mairu thought aloud and I glared at her. "Shut your hole Mairu if you were stuck with this jackass all day you'd understand why I'm acting like this."

"We used to live with him, we are related after all." Kururi piped in. "No one asked for your input Kururi." I flopped down on the couch obnoxiously and mashed my face into the not-so-comfortable black leather.

I felt eyes burning into the back of my skull but ignored them. I am out of fucks to give. "Are you always like this Melody?" Mairu questioned poking my shoulder and although I wasn't exactly mad at her- threw her the nastiest glare one human could manage. I sighed. "Mairu, I have been abducted and raped by your faggot brother over there. Now tell me something, is someone supposed to be nice when they're in a situation like that? No."

"That didn't answer my question."

"Yeah sure whatever I'm always a bitch to your brother. There happy?"

"Rape is such an ugly word." Izaya butted in. Oh I didn't know Izaya magically joined the chat room. I guess I'll be leaving it then. **You're being a little immature in all fairness. **Good, that's what I'm striving for. **What? **

Here I'll explain it: Izaya wants a certain type of behavior from me. He wants me to hate him even more than I already do-even though that's not possible, he wants me to fear him, or he wants me to go bonkers. **Why? **I'M NOT DONE EXPLAINING! Anywhore Izaya wants that to happen since he loves studying humans and finds my behavior interesting. He wants a normal reaction out of me- something he would see coming- unlike what he usually receives. Instead of acting like a rational person I make irrational (and stupid) choices which surprise him.

Of course this pisses him off because he doesn't understand what I'm going to do next, but it also interests him. If I give him the reaction he wants then everything will go to shit and he'll win. That is a no. Although I do hate him even more and am a little more fucked up than before I'm not going to show that. Instead I'll keep acting immature as usual and not let my behavior change at all. **Why? **

It will piss the fucker off and throw him off guard. And before you ask why yet a-fucking-gain I'll say why:

I'm getting my ass outta here.

* * *

_**Hi welcome it's me Author-chan again. Tonight I would love to discuss a serious issue with all my readers known to the world as well... Mind rape. Now mind rape occurs when one person completely fucks up one's beliefs and thoughts without said person's permission. It is also when you make someone's brain melt or confuse the living hell out of them. Izaya Orihara and myself are common examples of the people who do the MRing. **_

_**Now why is Mind rape bad? You see thi- *gets hit with a frying pan***_

_**Izaya: *shoves chloroform rag on Author-chan's face* Well it seems I'm taking over for todays aftermath!**_

_**Shizuo: Shit**_

_**Izaya: Anyways don't listen to silly Author-chan**_

_**~News~**_

_**I, Izaya Orihara am god**_

_**I love Melody**_

_**I hate Shizuo**_

_**I might kill Author-chan**_

_**I shall force Author-chan to update WDIESFOTW tomorrow**_

_**That's all for the news**_

_**Shizuo: Izaya you suck at this**_

_**I'd like to see you do better... Shizu-chan, after all I have to keep these cute little humans from glomping my sexiness**_

_**Melody: Shizuo he is pretty good looking in all fairness**_

_**Zach: indeed**_

_**Erika: yep**_

_**Walker: totally!**_

_**Anri: eh**_

_**Mikado: um..**_

_**Masaomi: SEXY**_

_**Kyohei: Not bad**_

_**Shizuo: IS EVERYONE AGAINST ME?!**_

_**Yes Shizu-chan because you're a monster and everyone hates you. **_

_**Melody: I don't ha- MMMMMMMMMMFFFFFFFFFFFHHHHHHHHHHH!**_

_**Melody shut up now please. Don't feed lies to the monster, shhhhhhh. *creepily pets hair***_

_**Author-chan: I'm back OH DEAR KIRA IZAYA WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHY IS MELODY GAGGED?! WHY ARE YOU PETTING HER?! WHY IS SHIZUO PISSED?! WHAT DID YOU DO IZAYA?!**_

_**Izaya: Nothing**_

_**All OC characters: lies**_

_**Fun Fact:"I am" is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.**_

_**See ya later my sexy readers~**_

_**Izaya: *hits Author-chan in the back of the head* don't worry I'm sure she'll be fine *drags off***_

_**Melody: someone should help her...**_


	18. Maid cafes and Freedom(?)

_**Oh hey guys what's up, yeah Author-chan is safe again! *no one cheers***_

_**(-_-) Geez I love you guys too**_

_**So Izaya is currently in a cage for my own and Melody's safety**_

_**That guy is fucking insane holy shit burgers**_

_**So the other day I was outside because it's summer and what not and someone **_**slapped my sunburn. on purpose.**

_**WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?!**_

**_Dude I felt worse than Melo-chan the day after *wink wink*_**

**_Worse than Violet when Alois was stabbed (OH THE SPOILERS)_**

**_Worse than Izaya when Shinra got stabbed in the manga and what not_**

**_Worse than..._**

**_I'm out of examples_**

**_Audience: BUT HOW?! OUR AUTHOR-CHAN ALWAYS HAS FUCKED UP AND STRANGE- YET ENTERTAINING- EXAMPLES AND REFERENCES?!_**

**_Thank you I do try my worst to make this story suck (wait what...)_**

**_Anywhore on with the story!_**

**_Disclaimer: I don't fucking own Durarara! and you bitches know this shit, why I have to say it I do not understand_**

**_Fun Fact: Izaya actually has a friend. His name is Shinra._**

**_Huh I guess some people don't completely- wait... it's Izaya who thinks of Shinra as a friend_**

**_Yep he's still forever alone HAHA_**

**_Izaya: *glares*_**

* * *

"Oh my Kira Izaya you suuucccckkkkkk." I groaned as I threw my head back. I was on a _fucking leash _in the middle of the _fucking city. What the fuck? _"At least I'm letting you go outside Melo-chan I figured you didn't like being stuck inside all day." Izaya "tried" to reason with me as he gave a shit-eating grin. This cunt pipe was enjoying my misery!

I mean he was right- I hated being stuck inside for more than 3 days but still this was a little far. You don't see parents putting their children on leashes. **Well most of the time anyways, there are some fucked up people in the world. **Like Izaya? **No shit Sherlock. **

I kept quietly repeating how much I hated my life as I tried to ignore the weird stares I got from like everyone. Then again I'm guessing it really isn't normal to see a 22 year old female on a leash for dogs which is currently being held by Izaya Orihara. Something just tells me that's an uncommon sight. Although part of me wouldn't be surprised if this sort of thing happens often.

Not with Izaya involved anyways.

"Izaya please take this leash off its embarrassing!" I pleaded for the umpteenth time and Izaya gave me that same shit eating grin. "But then you'll run off and that won't be any fun." He said in a mocking tone. Sometimes I swear I just want to bash his face into a sidewalk…

I gave him my best puppy dog eyes and started jumping up and down with my hands in front of my chest. **Ow, Ow, STOP FUCKING JUMPING! **I continued to whine until Izaya finally sighed and said "Fine." I smiled but it quickly changed to a frown when he pulled a red rope out of his jacket pocket.

Does he just carry rope around with him where ever he goes? That is just… umm. O-kay then.

"Do you always have rope in your pocket?" I questioned. "Well I thought you'd rather this be around your wrist than a leash so I brought it along just in case."

"I fucking hate you."

"I love you too Melo-chan~." He cooed in a sickly sweet kind of way as he tied said rope around my right wrist and took off my leash. _'This isn't really much of an improvement.' _ I thought to myself while rolling my blue eyes as Izaya starting pulling on the rope forcing me to follow him. "What in the holy fuck are we even doing walking around Ikebukuro? And don't give me that whole "I thought you'd want some fresh air," bullshit. Tell me why we're actually here."

"So fast to catch on."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Work." He answered simply and I frowned.

"You're an informant. For you work can be sitting in front of a computer hacking all day." I pointed out feeling rather annoyed. "Wait you're meeting with someone aren't you?" I asked quickly and Izaya nodded. "Who?"

"Actually believe it or not I don't know the answer to that either. They just said they wanted to meet up and ask me to help track someone down."

"How weren't you able to tell who they were? I mean couldn't you have just tracked their IP number from the email or something like that?"

"I got a virus." He replied simply and I snickered. Aww hackers. I love them. **Maybe it's Zach; he's a hacker after all isn't he? **Yeah but he wouldn't ask _Izaya _for help and we all know that.

We kept walking for a bit longer before we reached Sunshine 60 and entered a small and cute looking maid café. Wow of all the places to meet…

I kept my eyes locked on the floor as I shuffled my feet in the direction of Izaya's. "So is he here yet?"

"No we're 5 minutes early." He replied sitting down in a booth and patting the seat next to him. Excuse me sir I'm not a dog and I'd like to be treated with more respect than that of a pet. I reluctantly sat down next to the annoying Eskimo bastard and quietly waited for whoever the hell it was that we were meeting to show up.

I was drumming my fingers on the table when I heard someone clear their throat behind us and my eyes immediately sparkled with joy when they landed on equally now sparkling blue eyes. "Zach!" I cheered happily as I tried glomping my brother only to be pulled back by Izaya.

I noticed Zach's mood change from relieved to seething in a few seconds and I smiled a little. Oh this fucker is about to get it. "So it was _you_ who took Melody. I only suspected but I never actually thought…" Zach growled.

"Well it seems I've been found out. Too bad~ I had hoped this could go on peacefully for a little longer." I saw Izaya grin and I noticed him grabbing a knife from his pocket out of the corner of my eye. '_No he's going to hurt Zach!' _I internally panicked. Shit this is BAD. SHIT! SHIT SHIT SHIT!

"Zach look out he's going to cu-"I started to scream but was cut off. "I'm going to what Melo-chan? I'm going to set you free?" he interrupted cutting through the rope and I gave a confused look. What the hell? _It's a trap. Run. Run now! _For once I listened to my conscience, grabbed my brother and bolted out the door.

"We need to get the hell out of here **now **brother." I told him as I rounded a corner. I didn't see that prick behind us but I knew this was too easy. "Melody look out you're about t-"

I ran into something hard and fell on my ass. "Fucking moron watch where you're fucking going piece of shit." I growled not looking up at who it was until I heard a familiar growl. "What's this about being a moron?!" Shizuo screamed and I realized he hadn't looked down at me or my brother.

Shit. This day just cannot get any worse.

"SHIZUO CALM YOUR MAN TITS IT'S JUST ME, MELODY!" I screamed as I frantically waved my arms around. The blonde looked down at me with confusion written all over his face which quickly changed to relief. "Melody where the hell have you been?"

My brother opened his mouth to answer but I quickly clamped a hand over his face whole. "No time, look Shizuo I'd love to stay and chat, really I would but I need to get the fuck out of here." I replied getting up, gathering all my courage and kissing that bitch on the cheek- YES THAT JUST FUCKING HAPPENED- and returning to the task of running away.

"Melody where are you going?"

"I need to get my shit, I'm going back to America pronto." I said as I pulled out one of the cell phones I stole from Izaya and dialed Celty's number. I was ecstatic when she answered on the first ring.

"Celty it's me Melody- you know Shizuo's friend? Look I need some help right now, like I'm in some deep shit no joke. Please help me! Meet my brother and me at Raira in 15 minutes!"

I hung up the phone as the apartment complex came into sight and sighed in relief. Almost there… I saw a glint out of the corner of my eye and did a sudden lurch to the right and pulled my brother to the right as I saw a knife fly by his head. "WHAT THE HELL MELODY?!"

"I JUST SAVED YOUR FUCKING LIFE ZACH!"

"NO I MEAN WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!"

"WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE ZACH?!" I screamed at him as I shakily made my way up the stairs. "Zach you have a key right?" I asked hopefully and for once something went right today because he nodded. He quickly handed me said key and I unlocked the door, quickly relocking it and grabbing my trusty baseball bat out of a hidden corner.

My brother nodded at me, knowing what to do as I grabbed my Black Butler messenger bag and started quickly filling it with the necessities. _Shit we are fuck out of time! _**Whatever that means. **Yo shut up we don't have time for your bullshit right now, this is fucking serious!

I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and froze when I noticed that little shit known as the broken window… Wait a second I've been in the living room and bathroom long enough for someone to have… "ZACH GET OUT NOW!"I screeched in a panicked voice. Crazy laughter broke out throughout the entire apartment as I heard thudding footsteps.

"YOU'RE INSANE IZAYA!"

"MELODY GET OUT IT'S NOT SAFE!"

"YOU DON'T THINK I FUCKING KNOW THAT?! LOOK ZACH GET OUT I'LL MEET YOU THERE,I SWEAR I'LL BE FINE!"

"Melo-chan~ where are you going sweet Melo-chan~?" I gulped as I felt warm breath on my neck. No, SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHHHHIIIITTTTT!

* * *

_**Oh cliffhangers**_

_**Wait is that considered one? I don't fucking know because when I write my stories apparently they're full of "twists" and what not... hmm**_

_**hmmmmmmm**_

_**Ok so yeah maybe I'm a little cruel...**_

_**I don't fucking know what I'm even talking about anymore *cries***_

_**~NEWS MADAFUCKAS~**_

_**It's complicated- you're here**_

_**Why does this always happen to me?- updated yesterday**_

_**WDIESFOTW- shall be updated on Tuesday**_

_**You know I've been thinking (Dear Kira) why do I do the news? It's not like anyone gives a flying douche canoe so why do I? Oh yeah because... I'M AUTHOR-CHAN AND I DON'T MAKE SENSE!**_

_**~In Ikebukuro Park with all the Ikebukurians (rewatched DRRR! SO FABULOUS YOU ARE MASAOMI HOLY SHIT I LOVE YOU), Xxle-grellxX (the one and only), and those damn dirty party crashers for fish and chips~**_

_**Melody: Bitch this aint London**_

_**Violet: It is where I am right now**_

_**Melody: Is this YOUR fanfiction? No it is fucking not**_

_**Author-chan: Wow Melo-chan why are you so pissed?**_

_**Melody: *glares***_

_**Author-chan: So ANYWHORE I made a mistake yesterday...**_

_**Crimson: Which is?**_

_**Izaya: Yes tell us what you did wrong this time, well besides putting me in a cage *glares yet a-fucking-gain***_

_**Author-chan: So I had just replaced the printer with ink LIKEABOSS and I was printing out these pictures with anime characters so I could hang them throughout my room. And I had gotten an Izaya picture printed out because I have a habit of glaring at Claude and then blaming Izaya when I'm reading fanfictions and that got annoying. So when I put the picture of him and Shizu-chan on the wall next to my bed it looked like Izaya was watching me sleep and now I can't sleep. It's like he's fucking watching me and it is creepy as hell.**_

_**Hope: We didn't need your life story**_

_**Izaya: What's so bad about that?**_

_**Author-chan: Its fucking creepy because your expression changes when I talk shit about you**_

_**Shizuo: Dumbass take the picture down**_

_**Author-chan: But then you aren't in my room Shizu-chan *cries***_

_**Lawliet: Am I in your room**_

_**Violet: Nope I checked, but she does have an "L"**_

_**Levi: What about me? Does that little fucking shit have a picture of me in her room?**_

_**Melody: She has the wings of freedom**_

_**WINGS OF FREEDOM**_

_**Claude: What about me**_

_**Raven: On her poster, but when she bought it they all had Claude on them so...**_

_**Everyone: You still suck more than the average whore**_

_**Fun Fact: Mikado has the same name of the ****European version**** of pocky.**_

_**Mello:BUUUURRRRNNNNNNNN**_

_**Near: Does that even count as a burn?**_

_**Mello: FUCK YOU NIA**_

_**Melody: You guys are as bad as Izaya and Shizuo I swear... just shut up and release your sexual tensions by getting a room and fucking each other already!**_

_**Everyone (even Author-chan): 0.0**_

_**Adios Chicas~**_


	19. Bruises and Creeps

_**So this fanfiction is sadly almost done**_

_**I'm sorry**_

_**You guys really are going to hate me for the ending I swear you're all going to be at my throat, just remember I don't believe in happy endings**_

_**Anywhore...**_

_**I have been doing a fuck ton of role play**_

_**Non-stop... it has been a week, I think I need help**_

_**I'm literally doing RP as I type HOLY SHIT**_

_**I'm not joking**_

_**Izaya: Author-chan**_

_**Bye guys gotta go run now before MMMMMMMFFFFFFFHHHHHHHHHHH *falls to ground***_

_**Izaya: This'll be fun!**_

* * *

"Melo-chan~ where are you going sweet Melo-chan~?" I gulped as I felt warm breath on my neck. No, SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHHHHIIIITTTTT!

"I asked you a question Melo-chan, aren't you going to answer?"

"You're fucking insane." I replied as I turned around and slowly backed towards the window. Just a few more steps… "Ah, ah, ah Melo-chan it'll hurt if you try to jump out of a window."

"I don't care." I spat back at him as I delivered a bitch slap to his face- courtesy of FedEx- and did a backwards flip out the window and (luckily) landed on my legs and did a few rolls. Thank god I'm a free runner otherwise I'd be more fucked than a porn star.

**Seriously where do you come up with this? **Honestly, I don't know.

I ran like no tomorrow- not stopping or slowing down once despite my aching lungs until I reached the school where I used to work. Geez I wonder how I lost my job COUGH IZAYA AND HIS BLACKMAIL BULLSHIT COUGH. "Melody! You're ok! I was getting worried!"

"Wow Zach it's like you think I can't take care of myself for 5 minutes." I gave a smile and this time let him fuck up my hair. My smile grew even bigger and I waved Celty over as I saw her come into view. **You really shouldn't be celebrating just yet. **_I agree, there's no way it's over yet. This is still a little too easy. _

"Melody stay safe. I love you little sister so don't get yourself hurt back home ok?" My brother's words shocked me. Is he not coming back with me? As if he could read my mind he shook his head and said a quick "I'm sorry." Before picking me up and setting my small body down on Celty's bike.

**: Where to? :** She typed on her PDA. "I know I need to get out of Japan, but if at all possible could I lay low in your house for a few days, I promise I won't be a bother or anything." I pleaded as I saw my older brother give one last wave before pulling out a phone and running off. Damnit Zach why can't you just come back with me?!

**: Sure I know Shinra won't mind. Besides it looks like you could use some rest anyways:**

"Go raibh maith agat Celty." I thanked her in Irish and I'm sure if she had a head she would've looked surprised. : **You speak Irish? : **She typed and I nodded. "Now let's get our asses out of here!" I exclaimed as she revved her bike and quickly sped off in some unknown direction. I clung on for dear life as we sped through the streets and waved at various people I knew as we passed by.

* * *

~LE TINY TIME SKIP BECAUSE SHIZUO THREW A VENDING MACHINE INTO MY HOUSE AND THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING HOLY SHIT WHEN I TYPED SHIZUO I THOUGHT OF YAOI AHHH HELP ME!~

I whipped out my phone and sent a message to Zach faster than Sebastian Michaelis can kill a room full of people.

_Zach bro are you alright?_

I sighed a breath of relief when he texted back.

_Yeah Melody I'm fine, don't worry._

_Hold up just in case you're some big fat liar AKA IZAYA THE PRICK OF INJUSTICE what's the password?_

You see Zach and I actually got into a lot of trouble back home (Shocker, isn't it?) so we had created a secret phrase a long time ago just in case something like this happened. And we swore to die before we gave that phrase to anyone. No one knew it but ourselves.

_Holy fucking shit burgers full of cock sucking whores that is some huge ass cheese sticking out of that alien's ass because of trains._

Yeah… our phrase wasn't very serious. But it wasn't supposed to be. We knew **no one** would guess something like _that. _It was completely ridiculous and so random that I'd be shocked if I ever even heard someone say that.

_Correct. So Zach-kun listen the ever loving fuck up. Now I know you probably want to tell the police and all kinds of other people what happened but don't._

_Why the hell shouldn't I? He can't do what he did, it's illegal!_

_Zach he'll be waiting for you there, trust me. Alright just lay low and DON'T TELL ANYONE. NO ONE. NOT SHIZUO. NOT MOM. NOT DAD. NO ONE._

_But Melody…_

_No buts, look I'm safe right now and I'll call you the second I'm back on American soil, but until then my phone is going off so it can't be tracked. I love you._

_Love you too._

I sighed as I rubbed my temples. _'How the holy crow demons am I going to get out of Japan?! I __know__ Izaya will be expecting me at any and every airport with people on the lookout everywhere. I know even if I change my appearance that won't be enough for the moment so what am I going to do?' _I internally asked myself. I had no fucking idea what my next move would be. "So you're Shizuo's friend." I heard someone say and looked up at a man in glasses and a white lab coat.

This must be Shinra…

"Yes I'm Shizuo's friend. I'm guessing that you're Shinra then."

"So what's your name?"

"You've heard of me, but you don't know my name?" I asked in disbelief and he shook his head. **: Her name i-: **I interrupted Celty's typing. "My name is Rain." I lied giving a quick bow and I noticed Celty seemed a little confused. "Hey Shinra can I talk alone with Celty for a moment?" I hoped he'd say yes and a little of my faith in humanity was restored when he did.

**:Rain?:**

I took her PDA and typed my own response. I mean Shinra has ears so I don't care if he left the room I'm taking every and all precautions I can. **Yes Rain. I'd rather Shinra not know my name just in case crazy ass shows up. **

**: Who was responsible for this anyways? :**

**I'm sorry I just can't tell you that. If he knew that I told anyone…**

**: I understand why you might not want him knowing that we know. I'm assuming you want to be addressed as Rain? :**

**You are the best Celty.**

"Shinra you can come back now!" I called towards the door. Shinra entered the room with his first aid kit and I gave a curious glance. He noticed this when he sat down next to Celty and quickly spoke up. "Oh I'm just doing a quick check up, you look like you could use one."

"But I'm fine." I argued as I got up, but yelped when I felt a sharp pain in my wrist. Guess I didn't notice that earlier… then again my body just started settling down. **Oh great here we go with the pain of running away from a freak. Kira I hate the after math of this shit.**

"That isn't fine." Shinra pointed at my swelling wrist. I reluctantly agreed and Shinra began looking for injuries on my body and I winced a little when he messed with them. I mean the dude knew I had a sprained wrist but he moved it around, which you know kind of, hurts. Like a lot.

"What happened to get you in this state anyways?" he asked after he had finished. I had a sprained ankle, a sprained wrist, several scrapes on my knees and elbows, a few cuts on my legs, and bruises everywhere.

"Awesomeness."

"This is serious Rain, if you got this from running away; you need to tell us who did this so we can be careful. I mean if he finds you something tells me you'll be wishing for just this."

"I can't tell you. But can you do me one favor?"

"What?"

"If someone named Izaya shows up, don't acknowledge my presence, at all. Oh and tell me before he enters."

"Why?"

**:Shinra just do it, if she doesn't want to give you a reason or talk about it then she doesn't have to :**

"Thanks Celty." I thanked her.

_-Uso has joined the chat room-_

_Uso: IT'S ME BITCHES HAHAHAHA!_

_Taro Tanaka: hey Uso!_

_Kanra: Hi Uso_

**-Kanra has sent you a private message-**

**Kanra: Where are you Melo-chan?**

**Uso: Like hell I'm telling you skank basket**

**-Taro Tanaka has sent you a private message-**

**Taro Tanaka: I know this is kind of personal Worstchester-san but why did you lose your job?**

**Uso: Some jack ass black mailed another jack ass and suddenly the magical flying mint bunny kicked me to the curb, basically BLACK MAIL**

_Uso: So I have had the worst of luck lately._

_Uso: I lost my freaking job the other day!_

_Taro Tanaka: Really? Wow that must suck_

_Kanra: How?_

_Uso: How do you think Kanra you whore_

_Uso: Izaya Orihara the prick of injustice_

_Kanra: You're still mad at me~? But why Uso?_

**-Kanra has sent you a private message-**

**Kanra: Seriously where are you Melo-chan, you're just making this worse on yourself because I WILL find you**

**Uso: Leave me alone jack ass!**

_Uso: So anywhore I think I'm moving out of Ikebukuro_

_Taro Tanaka: What? Why?_

_Uso: Well there's some stuff going on with my friends elsewhere you know… and well I'm having a few problems here at the moment_

_Uso: I'm going to have to lay low for awhile_

_Kanra: What kind of issues?_

_Uso: Izaya, he's the only problem I have. I mean he stole my cats, he stalks me, he made me lose my job, he torments me, he torments my friends, he tried to kill my fucking brother (WHO DOES THAT), and he broke into my house on more than one occasion_

_Taro Tanaka: Wow that really…_

_Taro Tanaka: How do you put up with that?_

_Uso: I never said I did_

_Uso: I mean I couldn't even put up with him the day I met the flea. Dude I freaking yelled at him and lost my shit when I hadn't even known him for a full hour_

_Kanra: That was you Uso?_

_Uso: Yeah but you already knew that you fucking bitch cunt_

**-Taro Tanaka has sent you a private message-**

**Taro Tanaka: You know that Kanra is Izaya right Worstchester-san?**

**Uso: Yeah I do. I've known for a while now Mikado. **

**Uso: And hey haven't I told you just to call me Melody Mikado?**

**Taro Tanaka: Did Izaya really do all those things?**

**Uso: Mikado remember when I first moved here and you said your friend had told you to stay away from Izaya?**

**Taro Tanaka: Masaomi?**

**Uso: Well he was right, that shrimp dick fuck nugget looks pretty mild but he can do some serious shit**

_Kanra: Uso~ Why are you so mad at me?_

_Uso: You know why_

_Kanra: Can't you forgive me though, it was something small_

_Uso: No you know what no I can't_

**-You have sent Kanra a private message-**

**Uso: I know what you're doing you asshole**

**Uso: And forgive you? FORGIVE YOU?!**

**Uso: I'll forgive you the day I'm older than my brother**

_Uso: Look guys I'm having a rough time, maybe I just need to cool off a little_

_Uso: I got to go._

_Taro Tanaka: Bye Uso_

_Uso: See you soon guys_

**-Kanra has sent you a private message-**

**Kanra: See you soon indeed.**

_-Uso has logged off-_

You know after living in Ikebukuro for a while I think I've confirmed at least one thing. I fucking hate creeps.

* * *

_**Go raibh maith agat- "Thank you." in Irish. Yall don't even fucking know how hard it was to get Izaya to stop fucking with the computer**_

_**He stepped on my face. My face has the ouchies**_

_**Melody: Yall?**_

_**I live in Texas lay off you whore**_

_**Melody: *glares* YOU KNOW I DIDN'T WANT THAT YOU FUCKER!**_

_**Anywhore you guys really are going to hate me in the next chappy... like alot**_

_**But I was actually thinking of making a sequel and when this story has the final chappy uploaded you'll know why**_

_**Would you guys like a sequel?**_

_**~News~**_

_**WDIESFOTW- shall be updated on Saturday**_

_**It's complicated- you're here**_

_**Collab- it was actually fucking updated on time holy shitburgers**_

_**Why does this always happen to me?- hopefully tomorrow**_

_**~In Jeff the Killers house (Oh shat) with the Ikebukurians, Xxle-grellxX, and other anime characters for Russia Sushi because Simon carried all of our asses here~**_

_**Author-chan: Role play! Role play!**_

_**Melody: Alright who broke her?**_

_**Izaya: *slowly raises hand***_

_**Violet: I fucking knew it was fucking Izaya with him and his mind raping powers of awesome**_

_**Hope: I wouldn't really call them "awesome" but ok**_

_**Author-chan: I am so fucking happy, they put Death Note back on Netflix WHEEWW**_

_**Shizuo: Didn't you already say that?**_

_**Walker and Erika: THEY DID?!**_

_**All otakus: *fangirl like little bitches***_

_**Sebastian: I feel disturbed**_

_**Ciel: I WANT TEA MOFO!**_

_**Claude: Ciel I will always love you and your "sister" Violet!**_

_**Raven: Creepy rapist**_

_**Mikado: Umm hi**_

_**Anri: *waves***_

_**Masaomi: It's Masaomi Kida your hero here to save the day!**_

_**Author-chan: *glomps***_

_**Hope: Ugh some assholes jumped me again**_

_**Grell: They did what?! How could they?**_

_**Lawrence: She stopped them from picking on me earlier**_

_**Hope: THEY WERE BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?!**_

_**Lawliet: What is wrong with kids these days?!**_

_**Izaya: I'm really not saure, but they are fucking interesting as hell**_

_**Sebastian: Hell is boring**_

_**Ryuk: Like the Shinigami realm?**_

_**Author-chan: Exactly**_

_**Luna: Bitch this ain't Dilbert, you ain't the EXACTLY man...**_

_**Fun Fact: A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.**_

_**THE THINGS I KNOW**_

_**Adios Chicas~ Hope to see you soon! hehe...**_


	20. Plans and bad news

_**Look surprise update! I said I'd update on Monday but look, it's Sunday HAHAHAHAHAHAHA**_

_**Ok so first off two things**_

_**1. This chapter is a little short, I'm sorry this is a straight to the point no funny bullshit chapter (yes I'm capable of serious chapters-not really)**_

_**2. There is another chapter after this so don't throw your computer out a window or get your dick in a twist/ panties in a knot ok?**_

_**I really am an asshole**_

_**I feel like you guys are going to hate me**_

_**Just remember I don't believe in happy endings**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own DRRR! only my OC's and my fucked up plot line of awesome which is pretty much (completely) a copy of the anime because FUCK THE MANGA**_

_**Fun Fact: The mask used by Michael Myers in the original film "Halloween" was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white.**_

* * *

I groaned and glared at the clock on the wall, the minute hand slowly ticking by. Currently I was on the couch trying to sleep, but nope my insomnia was being a turtle dick yet again. Of course my paranoia wasn't helping either. _See you soon indeed. _That kept going through my mind. Would he actually find me?

I pray to Kira he doesn't.

Still though how am I going to get out of Japan? Plane doesn't really seem like a valid option at this point. Maybe I could take a boat to like India or something and get a plane ticket from there? Ugh, what am I going to do?!

Wait a second… I bet that prick of injustice expects me to try and escape by getting as far away from him as I can, in fact there's no doubt in my mind. I'd think the same thing if I were in his position. So I know for a fact that he wouldn't expect me anywhere near Shinjuku, like the Haneda Airport nearby. I grinned at the thought.

Maybe with a little help from Erika and Walker changing my appearance might actually be enough to get my sorry ass out of here. After all I am skilled at making fake ID's. This might actually be easier than I thought after all…

* * *

~OH I'M SORRY BUT I HAD TO BE A BITCHWHORE AND INTERFERE, YOU KNOW THIS IS THE SECOND TO LAST CHAPPY OF THIS FIC~

_~3rd person POV~_

It had been three weeks since Melody Worstchester had left Ikebukuro and gone back to America. Three painful weeks. In truth everyone missed her- the students, Shizuo, Izaya, even Namie.

Zach walked down the crowded streets of Ikebukuro when he bumped into Shizuo. It was awkward. "Hey…" Shizuo began as he looked at the ground. In truth from what Zach had said, Melody wasn't doing good. Not at all.

Apparently she had locked herself in her room most of the time and refused to come out. She was paranoid, she wouldn't sleep, she wouldn't eat. Some had called her a shell of a human being. Of course no one knew what had actually caused her to be like this except Izaya, Mairu, Kururi, Namie, and Melody's older brother.

"How's Melody?" Shizuo asked curiously afraid of the answer. Zach hung his head low and you could see bags under his eyes. He hadn't slept in 4 days, he had been too worried for his dear sister. Shizuo was the same- he knew something was terribly wrong.

And things only got worse when Izaya would start to watch them, as he was doing now. From a nearby building he was watching them converse and had set up wiretaps in the area so he could know word for word what they said. He made sure that no one else would ever know what happened to the blue haired girl.

"She's not doing good Shizuo, I'm worried she might…" Zach couldn't finish his sentence. The brown haired male didn't want to honestly. He didn't think she might kill herself- he knew for a fact that she would.

"I see." Shizuo growled before the bartender changed the topic to better things. It pained him to think of Melody in such a state. What had happened to the strong girl that he knew, full of fire? Full of spirit, where had she gone?

What had happened? Who had done this?

Masaomi and Mikado walked through Ikebukuro and spotted Zach as well. They were also curious for Melody's condition. Sure they were students, but Mikado couldn't help but worry and neither could Masaomi. Anri as well and she was seen not too far away, not daring to get too close.

Soon everyone that knew Melody was gathered around the brother in hopes of good news. And then Zach's phone rang. A sense of hope appeared. He answered it not realizing what he would hear on the other end. In truth if he had, he wouldn't have answered it in the first place.

He would've stayed oblivious to what he knew was inevitable.

Everyone stared at him in confusion as his eyes widened and he dropped his phone on the ground in shock.

"What… happened?" they all asked in unison.

"Me-melody… ki-killed herself, she, she sh-shot herself in- in th-the head." Zach stuttered as he felt tears welling in his eyes.

* * *

_**REMEMBER there is one more chappy!**_

_**Also I would love to know if you guys want a fucking sequel which means you actually have to review**_

_**:O SO MUCH WORK TO TYPE**_

_**So yeah there is no crack aftermath today... haha**_

_**No**_

_**Fun Fact: Every person has a unique tongue print.**_


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